Chapter 3 - Anger

WEDNESDAY

I woke up on the couch to the sun glaring on my eyes.  Ug.  That was not a comfortable sleep.  I sat up and rolled my neck.  At least my body isn’t on fire anymore.

The house was quiet.  I got up and checked the bedroom and noticed Kathy had already gone to work.  I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.  

“What the hell?.”  I said as I noticed that my hair was even longer.  It was shaggy like a surfer dude’s hair.  The roots of the hair were dark brown.  I grabbed a handful of hair and looked at it.  The tips were still my natural hair color.  Why was the new growth coming in darker?

I looked closer at my face.  It looks... smoother.  I originally had acne scars on my face.  Those were gone and replaced by smooth skin.  I lifted up my shirt and looked for my old appendectomy scar.  That was gone too.

“That drug heals old scars and grows hair?” I said out loud.  Well I guess that’s pretty cool.  I’m not sure about the new hair color though.

I looked back at the mirror and at my face. I rubbed the stubble on my face with my hand and I noticed hair was falling off my face.  I looked at my hand and saw specks of stubble all over my hand.  I looked back at the mirror and I now had a hand print of hairless skin on my face.

I did it again and hair started raining off my face and into the sink.

Ok.  Now I’m getting scared.  What was left on my face was patchy stubble. Even my side burns were rubbing off.  I can’t go to work looking like this.   I got out my razor and shaving cream and cleaned up my face.

After I washed the shaving cream off my face, I noticed my face, with the longer hair now looked very androgynous. I still think I’m recognizable though.

I turned on the shower to warm it up.  I took off my shirt.  My nipples were still tender... and now the areolas around them were larger!  My chest seems to be swollen too.  I’m going to have to mention this to Dr. Fry.

I turned my head back to the mirror and got a glance at my side profile.  I looked down at my chest again.  Nah.  It can’t be.

I looked like a flat chested woman. 

This is getting ridiculous.  Eventually people are going to notice that I look different.  I’m going to have some words with Dr. Fry.  I’m getting angrier and angrier just thinking about it.  

I took a shower and looked for any other changes.  Everything else seems to be unchanged.  I still had hair on my legs.  My dick and balls were still there.

I dried off and started getting dressed.  I pulled my boxer shorts on.  They felt really tight.  Like the elastic was digging into my hips.  I relieved the pressure by pulling the elastic band further up my waist.  They were still tight but manageable.

My shirt from yesterday is still rather clean so I put it back on until I can buy more work attire.

Ow.  My chest still hurts.  This shirt just continues to chafe my nipples.  I pulled my shirt back off.  I don’t think I can last another day like that.

I had an idea.  I went into Kathy’s dresser and pulled out one of her sports bras.  She had very bright girly colors.  I picked the least bright one - a light blue one.  I put my head and arms through it and pulled it over my puffy chest.  

Then I slid my shirt back on.

My nipples were still raw, but my shirt was no longer irritating them.  I can at least get through the day like this.

I next pulled on my pants.  I went to button them, but the button wasn’t reaching.  “Now what!”  I said angrily.

I took my pants off and turned back to the mirror.  I looked in the mirror at my hips.  I didn’t notice in the shower but they looked wider.  I held my pants up against them.  They won’t fit.

“No No No.  This is not happening!”  I said out loud.

This drug is turning my body into a woman’s body.

I’m officially freaking out right now.

I looked at the clock.  I gotta get to work.  What am I going to do?

I looked down at the sports bra I was wearing.  I guess I need to continue raiding Kathy’s dresser.

I pulled out a pair of black jeans from her dresser and pulled those on.  I was able to button them.  Thank God they fit.  I looked at myself in the mirror.  They’re skinny jeans and are very form fitting, but at least they button up.  Oh god, I can see my boxers bunched up on my thighs.  Shit!

I sat down on my bed trying to breathe.  I’m freaking out.  My body is changing.  I can’t even dress myself.  A tear rolled down my cheek.  What’s wrong with me?  Why am I crying?

I pulled the jeans back off and slammed them against the floor as the tears kept rolling. 

I screamed.

Focus.  Pull yourself together.  I can fix this.  I just have to get to the clinic and have them undo whatever it is they did.

I walked over to Kathy’s dresser and picked up a pair of blue panties.

I let out a huge sigh.  I wiped the tears from my face.  I can’t believe I’m doing this.

I slid off my boxers and slid up her panties.

The fabric actually felt good on my thighs as I pulled them up.  I must’ve folded these hundreds of times, but I never realized how soft they felt.  They made my ass look bigger.  Or maybe my ass was bigger.  I couldn’t tell at this point.

Then I pulled the jeans back up.  I looked at my legs in the mirror again.  The only imperfection was my package in the front.  My ass looked great - for a woman’s. The bottom of the pants came down just below my calf.  These are clearly women's jeans.  I wonder if anyone else will notice.

I put on socks and shoes.  My shoes felt loose.

My cell phone rang.  I didn’t recognize the number, but it was local.  I answered it. 

“Hello?”

“Aaron? This is Dr. Fry from the clinic.”  

“Oh Dr. Fry, Thank God” I said.  “I’m freaking out.  I felt like I was going to die yesterday.  My hair and nails are growing quickly.  My hips have widened.  It appears I have budding breasts.  None of my clothes fit!”

“That’s great news!”  he said.

What? Great news. “How is that great news?”  I said, fuming.  “I’m turning into a woman!”

“It’s great that the drug is working. This is exciting! You’re the first trial patient to report any effects.  You have to come in right away!”

“I have to work today.”

“Then come in after work.  I have to see you!”

“Fine.”  I said.  “You can expect me later in the afternoon”

“I look forward to it!” he said “Bye.”  Dr. Fry hung up. 

I took one last glance at the mirror.  “This is fine.”  I said.  “I can get through this.”  I pushed my hair behind my ears and walked out of my bedroom.

I was running out of time, so I grabbed my wallet and keys ran out the door and to my car.

* * *

I parked my car and I got out of it.  I tried stuffing my wallet into the back pocket of the jeans I was wearing.  They were so form fitting I could not fit my wallet in at all.  I pulled out a few bills and my ID, and left the rest of my wallet in my car.  I stuffed the money and ID in my pocket.

I walked into the grocery store and clocked in.  I found Mike to ask him what my next task was today.

“Aaron?”  Mike said looking me up and down.  “Your hair is getting kinda long.  Company policy says that long hair needs to be tied back.”

“Oh.”  I said.  “Sure.”  I stood there.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.  After a moment of silence, he said.  “Now.  When you’re done with that join that Brad kid in stocking the meat section.”

“Brad?”  I asked.  “You mean Ben?”

“Whatever,” he said.  “Hair ties.  Aisle 10.”

“Right.”  I said.  That guy sucks. I went to aisle 10 where hair care products were kept, and found a package of plain black hair ties.  A package of 20?  Didn't they come in smaller packages?  Oh well, I can give Kathy the extras. I then made my way to an open register.

The girl at the register was one of the teenage girls from the lunch room.  “Hi.  You’re the new person working with Ben right?”

“Yeah.” I said.  “Aaron.”  

“Nice to meet you, Erin.”  she said, scanning the hair tie package. “I’m Darcy”

Did she just call me Erin?  Should I correct her?

“$4.95”  Darcy said.

I pulled out a 5 dollar bill, handing it to her.  She gave me a nickel back which I shoved into a front pocket.

“Have a good day” I told Darcy.

I found Ben in the meat section.  “Good Morning” I said to him.

“Morning” Ben said while continuing to work.

I pulled a hair tie out and tried to tie my hair back.  I was struggling with it.

Ben looks at me for a moment.  “Need help?”

I sighed.  “Sure.”

He came over and took the tie from me.  “I’ve had long hair for about 2 years now.  Once you figure it out, it’s quite easy.”  He pulled the hair behind my head  and wrapped it into the tie.  “There.”

“Thanks Ben.”  I said.  I started unloading my cart.

Over the next hour I noticed that Ben kept looking at me.  Clearly he must notice that I look different from yesterday.  This has really started to make me feel more and more self-conscious.

“Aaron”  Ben finally said.  “Would you ever want to... Hang out after work?”

I suppose it would be nice to have a friend.  I haven’t seen any of my pre-pandemic friends in a while.  Most of them are married with kids anyway.

“Sure.”  I said.  “Right now, money’s tight. But I’m game for grabbing a few beers after work.”

“I’m - not 21 yet.”  he said.  “But yeah. Cool.  I don’t have many friends here at work. And you seem like a cool… person.  We can exchange numbers.”

“Sorry about that.” I said forgetting he just graduated.  “It’s been a crazy morning.  But yeah, we can exchange numbers.”  I pulled out my phone and we exchanged our numbers.

I continued organizing the bin full of chicken packages.

Behind me I heard a customer say  “Excuse me, Miss.”

I didn’t notice any other women in the area so I wasn’t sure who she was talking to.

“Miss?”

Wait, is she talking to me?  I turned around.

“Miss, I was wondering if you have any breasts in there?”

Wait what?  Breasts?  I turned bright red. I glanced down at my chest which didn’t seem any different from this morning.  I looked back at her. “Excuse me?”  I said confused.

“Boneless, skinless.” she added.  “The other section where they should be is empty.”

“Oh!” I said, finally understanding her.  I looked at the boxes on my cart.  I opened the box labeled “Chicken breasts” and gave her a package.

“Thank you!”  She said walking away.

Miss? Did she think I was a girl?  This day is getting worse.

* * *

At lunch time, I realized in my morning freakout I forgot to make lunch.  The good news is that I work in a grocery store.  I bought a pre-packaged cold-cut sub and a drink with the remaining cash in my jeans.

I brought my lunch to the lunch room and sat down at a table by myself.  I noticed Ben was at another table eating alone.  Should I go over and join him?

Just then I saw Darcy walk past me.  “Hi Erin.”  She continued and walked up Ben’s table.  “Hi Ben, can I sit at this table?”

“Sure.” he said.

Ben kept to himself while he ate.  Darcy took off her mask and started eating.  I noticed she kept glancing up, looking at him smiling.  Looks as if she really wanted to get his attention.  Maybe Darcy has a crush on Ben.  Watching a teen drama potentially unfold at least help me keep my mind off of my own problems.

After lunch, I continued working.  It was much easier to work now that my body wasn’t on fire.  I was still having problems reaching top shelves though.  Did I shrink too?

After my shift, I clocked out, left the store and drove to the clinic.

* * *

I walked right into the clinic and up to the receptionist.  “I’m Aaron, here to see Dr. Fry.” I said to her.

“Yes.” he’s expecting you.  “Have a seat.”

A few minutes later, a nurse opened the door and said.  “Aaron?”

“Yeah.”  I said getting up to follow her.  She escorted me into the same examination room from Monday.  

It didn’t take long for Dr. Fry to come in.

“Aaron.”  he said.  “Wow! Look at you!  This is amazing!”

“This is miserable,”  I replied.

“Let's do some tests.” he said.

He measured me, weighed me, took another mouth swab, and a blood sample.  He asked to see my chest, which oddly felt embarrassing now.  He measured my chest and my waist.  “You can put your shirt and bra back on.” 

I wanted to correct him.  My girlfriend’s bra.  Not mine.

He took all his notes with him and left the room.  

Twenty minutes later he came back.  “So Aaron,” he said.  “You’re now 5’9”.  You lost at least 3 inches of height.  You’re now 160 pounds.  You lost 40 pounds in 2 days!”

Hearing him state the obvious hurt.  I started to tear up again.  “I feel like I sweat it all out.  I really haven’t eaten much over the past few days.  I’ve been really hungry too.”  

“Well, your bones and muscles have lost a lot of mass which is contributing to it. But your body is indeed metabolizing all of the fat reserves at an incredible rate.  In addition, you have budding breasts consistent with female puberty.  I did not take your measurements on Monday, but you already told me that your hips have widened.”  He noticed I was crying.  “And your hormones are clearly all messed up.  Your body is having an extremely hard time regulating them.  They should level out though.”

Should?  I wiped the tears from my eyes.  This isn’t making me feel any better.  I want to lash out.  But I also want to cry.

“When’s the last time you dyed your hair?”

“I don’t dye my hair.”

“Interesting” he continued writing notes.  “Does dark brown hair run in your family?”

“My sister has dark brown hair.”

“Ah, good.  I figured it must’ve been a family trait.”

“How is this even possible?” I screamed. He backed up, not expecting me to yell at him.  I regained my composure and lowered my voice. “This doesn't seem like a Covid vaccine!”

“Covid vaccine?” Dr. Fry said, sounding surprised. “That’s next door.  1350 is a genetic transgender drug."  He paused for a moment.  "You said you read the forms we gave you.  This shouldn’t be a surprise.”

Shit.  I did this to myself.  Now I’m angry with myself for not really reading the forms he gave me.  Or maybe angry that I decided to get into the wrong line.  I felt another tear roll down my cheek.  I need to pull myself together.   “Well that makes sense then.”  I said trying to regain composure again.  “How… how does this even work?”

“Well, I’ve spent years working on examining how the human fetus grows body parts and limbs based on the instructions provided by our DNA.  Some of that research leads into growing new body parts in adults.   Then I’ve examined how the sex characteristics are associated with your chromosomes.  The drug itself is based on how virus’s work.  It’s going through your body modifying you at a cellular level.  We’ve also added in some compounds to encourage cellular growth too - which explains the hair growth.”

“And nails”  I said holding my hands up.

“Nice.”  Dr. Fry said, looking at them.  “Your hands are already very feminine.”

I quickly pulled my hands back and tucked them to my side.  “This doesn’t sound entirely legal.”

“Oh that doesn’t matter when the government is funding you.”

“The government is funding this?  I thought maybe this was something to help the transgender community.”

“Uh… I may have said too much.” 

“I mean, what other applications could there be?”

He didn’t say anything.

“What branch of the government?”

Again he said nothing.

“Holy Shit - Is this a weapon?”

“Shh!” he replied.  “Keep your voice down.”

“I don’t believe this!   What are you using it for?”

“I don’t ask those types of questions.  It’s best I don’t know so they keep funding me.”

“OK fine.” I said.  “I want out. I want no part in this.  I want my normal male body back.”

“We haven’t developed the inverse drug.  The government was only interested in funding male to female.”

“But you can do it… right?”

“Yeah, but that will take time to identify the right compounds that would trigger the right growth and right hormones.”

“Can you start on that?  I need to change back to myself”  I said. “This was a mistake!”

Dr. Fry sighed.   “I can see what I can do.  No promises.”

“Thank you!  How long do I have, doctor?”

“What do you mean how long do you have? You’re not dying.”

“I mean until - I’m fully a woman.”

“Well, genetically, you’re already a woman.  Your chromosomes have already changed. If you’re asking how long until your male genitalia is no more, I’d say another two maybe three days at the rate the virus is progressing.”

I put my head into my hands.  “What am I going to tell my girlfriend?”

“You didn’t tell your girlfriend you were doing this?  Geez.  I’d hate to be you.”

“Has anyone ever told you, you have an awful bedside manner?”

“I’m a geneticist, not a physician.” he replied.

“Is there anything else you need?  Want me to recommend a gynecologist?”

“No!”  I yelled.

“OK, well” Dr. Fry said standing up.  “You have my business card if you have any more questions.”

He led me out to the waiting room.  I stood there in a daze before I finally decided to go out to my car.

* * *

After I pulled into our driveway, I stood on our front porch paralysed.  What am I going to say?  What am I going to do?

Finally I summoned up the courage and I walked into the house.  I’m going to tell her the truth.

“Babe”  I said timidly.

“How was your day-” she stopped as she saw me at the door. Her eyes got wide.  “A… Aaron?”  Is that you?”

“Yes.”

“What-  What happened?  You’re so short.. Your hair!

“I screwed up.”

“What happened?  What did you do?”

“I signed up for an experimental drug trial.  Apparently I didn’t read the fine print.  It’s some form of transgender drug.  I’m turning into a woman.”

Her jaw dropped.  “Wh-  Why would you do that?”  she said.  “Are you-  trans?  Oh God, Aaron.  Why didn’t you tell me!”

“No No.  It’s not like that.  I did it for the money.”

“The money? Aaron, we don’t need money bad enough to disfigure our bodies!”

“Don’t worry.”  I said.  “I’m working with the clinic.  The doctor said he’ll try to create a drug that reverses this.”

“Are you sure?”  she said.

“Yeah”  I said smiling.  Oh shit.  She’s going to see through that lie.

“OK.” she said.  The look on her face told me she didn’t believe that.  “Well… Dinner’s ready.”

We ate dinner in silence.  I could tell she was upset with me.

“So let me get this straight.” she said.  “You took a shot without knowing what it did?”

“I know.” I said.  “I made an impulsive decision.  Like the time I ordered, toilet paper from Amazon without checking to see how many were in the shipment- I thought I was ordering 12 roles and we accidentally got 12 bulk packages of toilet paper.”  I forced a chuckle.

She wasn’t laughing.  “This is nothing like that!” she said.

I really had nothing else to say.  I know I fucked up.

My hand was shaking.  I accidently dropped pizza sauce on my lap.  “Crap”  I said, out loud.  I grabbed a paper towel and tried to rub it off, only to smear it into my jeans- I mean Kathy’s jeans.  The only jeans that fit me, in fact.  I’ll deal with that tomorrow.

After dinner, we were both sitting on the couch watching TV.   I sat closer to her and held her hand.

“Babe, I’m still your boyfriend.  I still love you. You can trust me.” 

“I know.” she said.  “I’m just scared.  This changes everything.”

“It changes nothing.”  I said.  “I’m still me.  Please trust me.”

She looked into my eyes and nodded.

I leaned into her, caressed her cheek and kissed her.

She closed her eyes and returned my kisses. 

“I love you so much.”  I told her.  “You know, If anything, this drug has increased my sex drive.”

“Oh?” she said.

I led her to our bedroom.  I was intent on trying to take her mind off of this.  I focused on making her feel good.

We started peeling each other's clothes off. 

“Is that-” she said.  “My sports bra?”

“Yeah”  I said, pulling it off and tossing it aside.

“Are those my jeans?” she said.

“Don’t worry about it.  I needed to think fast this morning.  Next time I’ll ask or get you to help me.”

I pulled off the jeans - and panties together so she didn’t see her panties on me.

I crawled back onto the bed and laid on top of her and continued kissing her.

Her hand explored my chest and stopped at my nipples.  She seemed curious as she slowly caressed my chest and moved her finger around my nipples.  That’s when she rubbed them with her fingers.

I suddenly gasped.  Oh God that felt good.  They were no longer raw, but they were very sensitive.

“Did that feel good?” she asked.

“Yeah. it did.”

“This is too weird.”  she said.

“Just- focus on me.”  I said kissing her neck.

After a little bit of foreplay I was ready.  I put a condom on my dick and slowly slid it into her, but my dick wasn't hard as it should be.  This was not deterring me from having sex with my girlfriend.

I rocked my hips back and forth as my penis went in and out.  But I felt like I was getting softer and it was harder to maintain an erection.  Quick, think sexy thoughts.  It wasn’t working. 

My penis fell out of her.

I turned red in embarrassment.  I tried stroking myself to get hard again.  It got a little harder.  I put it back in and started thrusting again.

The look on her face… was not pleasure.  It was a look of concern.

“Babe stop.” she said.  “It’s not going to happen this time.”

I pulled out and I rolled over.  I tossed the empty used condom to the side. I had tears in my eyes.  I was so embarrassed.

She put her hand on my shoulder.  I immediately got up and moved myself out of the room and to the couch.  I was crying.  I never had this problem before.  I never had performance anxiety before.  Was this the start of the drug affecting my penis?

When I laid down on the couch and finally calmed myself down, I could hear Kathy from down the hall.  She too was crying.