Chapter 31 - Turning the Page

Vicky

On my way home, I texted Lexi, Mads, and Nicole about Josh’s tailgate party. I’ll likely get Lexi to go, I’m not so sure about Nicole. I think Madison will do what Nicole does.

I returned to my apartment that night, holding my brand new dress up by the hanger. Lexi was in her room and saw me walk past. 

“Whoa, girl. That is some dress.” she said.

“It is!” I gushed. “Tyler asked me to get something nice for this weekend. They’re taking me somewhere fancy and romantic.”

“Oh really?” she said.

“Yeah, I would have rather gone somewhere chill, but they insisted on some romantic place,” I replied.

“Vic.” she said. “Hang the dress up. Let’s talk.”

“OK” I said, walking to my room, hanging the dress up and returning to Lexi’s room. “What's up?”

“Tell me about your relationship with Tyler,” she said.

“Oh. Well. As you know, we’ve been dating for 2 months. Although, they think it’s been 3 years.”

“What do you do together?”

“I dunno.” I replied. “Your typical dating stuff. We just hang out. Play video games. They have a way of making me feel special. I feel like I’m with my best friend when I’m with them - no offense to you of course, I consider you my best girl friend.”

Lexi smiled at that.

“I… don’t think I could’ve done this without Tyler.” I admitted. “Truth be told, I did feel some of that same dysphoria Nicole described in the very beginning. But when I’m with Tyler, it evaporates. They make me feel comfortable in my body.”

“You’ve said you’re in love.” she said. “Let’s assume for a moment that you don’t ever swap back. You’re Vicky permanently. Do you see a future with Tyler?”

I thought about that for a moment. “Sometimes I feel like I’m on vacation. That this time as Vicky will come to an end, and I’ll have to return to reality. But if I have to stay as Vicky. I can totally see myself continuing to date Tyler. I feel like a better person when I’m with them. And Taylor. Wow.”

“Taylor?”

“Tyler’s femme persona. She’s something else. I mean she’s the same person as Tyler, I just am mesmerized by her. She actually makes me feel like Victor again - and not in a “back to reality” way I just described, but a natural way. As if… as if it doesn’t matter if they’re Taylor or Tyler or if I’m Vicky or Victor. Does that make sense?”

Lexi smiled. “No, but I believe you.”

“Why the sudden serious relationship chat?”

“As Nicole’s - and your - best friend, I wanted to make sure you love Tyler and you aren’t setting yourself up to get hurt.”

“Cause I'm already hurting Nicole?”

“Yeah. She will get over this eventually” Lexi responded. “But Tyler too. Tyler loves you. But they don’t really know you. They only know a bunch of partial truths behind a big giant lie. But, I’ve seen the two of you together. One thing is clear. You and Tyler work much better than Nicole and Tyler ever did. I just wish it wasn’t based on a lie.”

“Me too,” I replied. “I want so much to tell Tyler that I’m Vicky. To tell them that we’ve only been dating for 2 months, that I’m not the same person that hurt them in the past, or forced them to stay in the closet so long. I love Tyler. I love Taylor. I don't want to ever hurt them.”

Lexi brought me in for a hug. “I know you don’t. One day you’ll get the courage to tell them. I sincerely hope by then it won’t be too late. I wish for you, they’ll understand, that they’ll forgive you. And if they don’t right away, you'll have patience with them.”

I embraced Lexi. “Thank you. I hope for those things too.”

“Ok, girl. Show me that dress.”

I walked to my room, Lexi followed me, and I picked the dress back up.

“Wow.” she said. “That’s very nice. You know what - I have a nail polish color that would look great with that.”

* * *

Nicole

I was getting dressed for my internship when I heard a knock at the door. I checked the peep hole, saw it was Madison and let her in.

“Hey girl,” she said. She looked me over head to toe. “I thought yesterday was your internship day.”

“It was, but I have a meeting with my aunt today.” I said, fixing my collar.

“Um, does that necessitate a button down shirt and slacks?” she asked.

“Not Victor’s aunt. My Aunt. My real aunt. Aunt Shirley.”

“Wait - the Aunt Shirley? The one you haven’t seen in like 7 or so years?”

“8” I replied, buttoning up my shirt.

“How did you manage that?”

“She’s apparently a former client of my company, and I’m going to be pitching her some of our new services.”

“So you’re seeing her as Victor?”

“What other choice do I have? I haven’t seen her since middle school, and I’m not passing up this opportunity.”

“What about class today?”

“I’ll skip it.” I said. “Oh I forgot to tell Kayla I won’t be there for our coffee time.” 

I pulled up my cell phone and texted Kayla. “I’m skipping class. Something came up at work. I’ll fill you in on Tuesday.” 

After I sent that, I noticed the previous message on my phone from Vicky. I turned to Madison. “Are you going to Josh’s thing on Saturday?” 

“Not sure football tailgating is my thing,” she said. “You could always invite Kayla since you’re missing your coffee date.”

I didn’t get any hint of jealousy from Madison, but I wanted to make sure. “Would you be OK with that?”

“Sure, why not?” Madison said. “I know how to share.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

I pulled up my last message to Kayla and added “Want to go to a tailgate party on Saturday?”

“Hey, listen.” Madison came over to me and put her hands on my hips. “After you’re done with your internship this evening, let’s just me and you have a girl’s night. Maybe a girls day too. Maybe I’ll join you and Kayla at that tailgate too. Make it a girls weekend.”

“What about Brandon?” I said. “It seems like everyone’s forgotten about him. The safest place is either behind locked doors or in big crowds.”

“We’ll lock ourselves inside. Order some takeout all weekend.”

I looked into Madison’s pleading eyes. “That does sound nice, Mads.”

She leaned in and kissed me and it sent shivers down my body. Is this the weekend we make “us” official? This scares me, because I don’t want to risk losing Madison as a best friend. 

I smiled back at her. “It’s a date then”

That got her to smile real big. “Good luck with Aunt Shirley,” she said. “I need to get to class.”

I watched Madison saunter out of my apartment. My dick alerted me that it’s still there. I looked down and realized slacks do nothing to hide an erection. 

My phone buzzed. “Count me in!” was Kayla’s response.

* * *

I was sitting in the intern office organizing my thoughts on my meeting. I was getting a little nervous. I had a job to do, but I also was eager to see Aunt Shirley. 

“Good morning everyone” I heard a voice behind me. It was Victor’s dad.

“Good morning, Mr. Machado.” I heard the other interns say.

“Victor, can I see you for a moment?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said, locking my computer and following him out of the room.

“I didn’t expect you today.” he said.

“I managed to secure a meeting today with a former client.” I replied.

“I heard. That’s great. Did you make sure Joyce will be there?”

“Umm, no” I replied.

“Not a big deal,” he said. “I have every confidence in you, it’s just that it’s only your 3rd day on the job and you’re still an intern.”

“I get it,” I responded. “I’ll invite her to the meeting.”

“You know, I had dinner with your friend Nicole last night.” he said changing the subject.

“You had dinner with… Nicole?” I said, surprised. But I’m Nicole! You had dinner with your son. This makes me wonder how, where, and what exactly did Vicky tell them.

“She’s a very nice young lady,” he said. 

Hah. I bet all sons want to hear that from their father. “She is,” I responded. “Umm, you all have me at a disadvantage. I have no idea what you talked about.”

“She said you work well as a team and showed me a project you worked on together.”

“Oh yeah, that was fun.”

“She’s a positive influence, Victor. I like her. Is she - more than a friend? She hinted that she was dating someone. I was wondering if...”

“We’re not dating.” I cut him off. “She’s got a different boyfriend.”

“Oh that’s a shame.” Dad said.

“It’s OK though,” I said. I thought of Madison. “I think I have someone else who’s interested in me.”

“That’s great,” he said. “You should bring her by sometime.” 

I wonder what Madison would think of that. She’s only ever met my actual parents in passing.

“Listen Victor.” Dad said. “I just want to say before you go into that meeting today, I’m proud of you. I realize I don’t tell you enough. But both your mother and I are proud and we love you. Good luck today.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said. “I love you both too.”

* * *

Joyce and I set up the meeting room. I made sure I had my note cards in front of me. I went over my script on what new services Emilitech could offer her company. After a once-over, I started daydreaming about what I’d do after I reconnect with Aunt Shirley. I’d love to fill her in with the last 8 years. Maybe tell her about how awful my parents have been. I wanted to talk about Brianna. About Tyler. About Madison. I could tell her about this crazy body swap between me and Victor.

“Do you want me to do all of the talking?” Joyce asked.

“Only if I screw something up.” I said. I want to prove to my fellow interns that I belong here.

The intercom buzzed and the front desk said. “Your 1 PM is here.”

“Send them back,” Joyce responded.

A few minutes later, Aunt Shirley walked into the conference room. She looked great for her age. Granted I hadn’t seen her in 8 years, but despite the silvery flowing gray hair, she had a youthful face. I could see that she was related to mom, yet Mom had an angry worn leathery face, but Aunt Shirley was smiling and happy.

“Hi, I’m Victor Machado” I introduced myself first. “We spoke on the phone.”

“Shirley Marlon,” she said, shaking my hand. 

“And, I’m actually an intern here.” I had to disclose. “This is my boss, Joyce Morelle.” Oh my god, I’m so nervous. “She’s here to make sure I don’t say anything stupid.”

Aunt Shirley snorted and Joyce stared daggers at me. I had a sorry expression on my face. Was that too unprofessional?

Joyce and Shirley shook hands.

We all sat down, and I started reading off my script about our company's new services. She had previously had us develop an accounting program for them. This time around, I was hoping to sell them on a payroll program. I did my research on this last night, I laid out the numbers for them.

I was so nervous. I would constantly look back at Aunt Shirley to see if I could get a reading on what she was thinking. Nothing. 

I would say something, then smile, expecting her to smile back like she’d used to. But nothing. Then I’d remember I’m not Nicole at the moment.

When I was done, I concluded with a smile, and expected both Aunt Shirley and Joyce to tell me how impressed they were.

“Thank you for that thorough presentation,” Aunt Shirley said. “Unfortunately we don’t have the budget for that right now.”

My heart sank with the rejection. “Well, I can reduce the features to bring the cost down.” I said, trying to defend my work.

“That’s not going to fly with my employers and the rest of the employees,” she replied.

No. This isn’t how I imagined this going. “But Aunt Shirley,” I said. All eyes in the room were on me. When I realized what I said, I turned red.

“I’m sorry Ms. Marlon,” Joyce said. “Let me apologize for our intern. That was entirely inappropriate.”

“Sorry.” I said. “I didn’t mean-”

“Listen, I have another meeting lined up soon.” Aunt Shirley said. “Thank you Mr. Machado for this presentation. We’ll take some of this into consideration for the future.”

Aunt Shirley left the conference room, and a very angry Joyce was looking at me.

“What was that?” she asked. 

“I thought for sure I could pull that off,” I said.

“I thought this was a simple follow up, I didn’t expect a full blown proposal. You should’ve run this by me and your father. You’ve been working here for 3 days and misrepresented several of those services and numbers. You should’ve gotten someone to help you with it.”

“I uh..” I didn’t know what to say. I spent all night on it. But she’s right. I only spent a single night on it. By myself.

She left the conference room without saying another word. Is she going to tell Mr. Machado that I bombed this? Great, that’s all I needed. My chance at an internship and I blew it.

I ran out of the conference room on the verge of tears. I didn’t want to return to my office, afraid of my fellow interns judging me, so I ran towards the exit.

As I was walking down the hall, I saw Aunt Shirley leaving the office suite. Maybe I can save face. So I ran up to her. 

“Ms. Marlon,” I said, getting her attention. “I want to apologize for my inappropriate behavior.”

“It’s OK, Mr. Machado. Believe it or not, I was an intern once too.”

I need to tell her something. Maybe a partial truth. I can’t let her just walk out of my life like this. “It’s just that…” I said. “I… know your niece.”

She stopped. “My niece?”

“Yes.” I said. “Your niece Nicole Rosch. It’s why I called you in the first place. I recognized your name.”

Shirley took a big deep breath. “Victor is it?”

“Yes.” I replied. I wish I could tell her it’s really me, Nicole.

“Walk with me.” she said leaving the suite. I followed her out of the building.

We started strolling down the city street. There were lots of people on the sidewalks trying to get where they were going.

“So start from the beginning.” she said.

“Well, I’m one of Nicole Rosch’s friends. She speaks highly of you, but I also know that she hasn’t spoken to you in 8 years. I recognized your name on our old invoices, and decided to talk to you. I spent all night by myself writing up that proposal for you.”

“Wow, That is pretty forward of you Victor.”

“You used to teach Nicole that if you want something, go for it and don’t rely on anyone else.”

“In some contexts, yes. Nicole’s parents were not supportive of her. I encouraged her to push herself and not wait for them to come around. But you’re an intern at a company. You can’t be going on doing this by yourself.”

“I uh... see that now”

“How is Nicole? It sounds like you two are very close.”

“You can say that. She’s um. Doing well.” I said. “She’ll be graduating this coming spring with a marketing degree. She’s got an internship this semester too.”

“That’s wonderful,” she said. “I don’t get a chance to speak with my niece - at all really.”

Here’s my chance. “Why is that?”

“That’s very personal stuff Victor,” she said.

“I’m sorry.” I replied. “I know I’m stepping over a line. I just had to ask.”

“Since you seem like a good friend of hers, I’ll talk about it. I only speak with my sister - Nicole’s mother. She has forbidden me from seeking Nicole out on my own. I talk with my sister at least twice a year so that I can send her money for Nicole’s tuition.”

“Nicole’s tuition?”

“Yeah, I’ve been helping pay for college.” she said. “Her parents cannot afford it, so I made a promise when she was younger that I would pay for it.”

“I didn’t know that,” I said. “And you stuck to your word?”

“Yeah.” she said. “That young girl had so much potential - but her parents refused to see it.”

“I don’t think she knows any of this.”

“Well I certainly hope she knows.” she said. “I have arguments with my sister - she threatens to cut off Nicole. It’s more important for that young lady to have a bright future, regardless whether I’m in it or not.”

“That’s so sad.” I said. At least I know now. “Are you going to reach out to her after graduation?” I asked.

“We’ll see. It’s been so long, I wasn’t sure if she even remembers me.”

“She does.” I said. “You’ve had a huge impact in her life.”

“Well that’s enough personal stuff, Victor.” she said.

“I understand.”

“Victor?”

“Yes?” I asked.

“If you schedule another meeting next week, we can revisit your ideas. My rejection had nothing to do with you and your ideas, and everything to do with budgets this quarter.

“OK” I said.

“Just do remember to keep it professional.”

“I will, Ms. Marlon” I replied with a smile.

“Oh” she said. “A piece of advice. You may want to run that presentation by your boss before the next time you present it. It was clear that was the first time she’s ever heard that stuff.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I may have tried to do too much. I was focused on impressing you.”

“I was impressed. I thought you had pretty good ideas, but these things take teamwork. You cannot get by in life doing things all by yourself.”

“Thank you, Ms. Marlon.”

“It was good having this chat Mr. Machado. Please send my niece my regards. Tell her I think of her often. God willing, I will seek her out when I’m allowed.”

“I will.”

We both parted ways. She continued to walk down the city street and I turned around and returned to the office. I suddenly had a new insight in Aunt Shirley and my parents. My parents have been lying to me for years.

* * *

Vicky

When I got home from class, I was waiting for Lexi to come home. Once she came home I pounced. “Can I get a ride somewhere?”

“Sure, Vic,” she said. “Where?”

“There’s someone I want to talk to.” I said. “Maybe the only other person who may understand what I’m going through.”

“Sure.” she said. “Let me grab my keys”

As I rode in Lexi’s car, I contemplated a few things. I’m in love. I have great friends. On the surface, my life as Vicky is better than my life as Victor. But the future life ahead of me is not the one that I chose for myself - or the one I actually want. I have no desire to utilize the degree I’m about to graduate with. But there’s no escaping that now. At least it looks like I have a job lined up that may at least utilize my passion even if it means doing business-type stuff. Then I thought of my family. My family life is facing a huge downgrade. I will miss my family. I hate Nicole’s parents. But it’s what Lexi said to me the other day that resonated with me. Choose my lane. Should I be trying like hell to get my old body back, or should I accept my life as Vicky and move on? How do I make such a decision?

Twenty minutes later, we pulled into the parking spot in front of Courtney’s townhome.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Lexi asked.

“Nah.” I replied. “I want to do this myself.”

“OK.” she said. “I’ll be right here.”

I got out of the car and walked up to Courtney’s door and knocked on it.

Courtney answered and looked at me inquisitively. 

“Hi.” I said. “I hope I’m not interrupting. I had a few questions. I was wondering if we could talk.”

“Sure” she said, letting me into her home. 

The home was like I remembered it a few weeks ago. Just as disheveled. Courtney's kid was playing with blocks in the living room, while the TV played kid songs.

Courtney led me into the kitchen again, where we both sat down.

“What’s on your mind - Victor is it?”

“I’ve been going by Vicky now.” I replied.

“I don’t know much more about the genie, or the fraternity, Vicky” she said.

“I actually had questions about you.” I said. “Um… do you miss it? Being a guy?”

“Well…” she said. “I miss my old life. The friends and family I never got to say goodbye to.”

“When did you know you wanted to stay a woman?”

“These are hard and very personal questions, Vicky” she said.

“Oh, I’m sorry for prying.”

“No - I meant that my answers may not answer your questions.”

“I’m facing what I think may be a fork in the road” I said. “Increasingly my life as Vicky has been getting better, and I’ve been accepting of it all. The desire to return to my old male life has been fading.”

“Our situations are a little different.” she said. “I was already living my life as a woman for a number of years before I realized I was originally male.”

“Do you wish it all never happened?”

“The event, yes” she said. “What happened after, no. I was in a dark place when I realized what had happened. I was questioning my sanity, my worth, and my identity. It was my now-husband who pulled me out of it. He helped me make peace with who I was. I eventually fell in love with him. We have a beautiful child together. I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world.”

“I’m certainly going through an identity crisis” I confessed. “I don’t identify as a woman - at all. Yet, I’m blissfully at ease pretending to be one.”

“Have you considered you’re still under the genie’s spell?”

“I have. It scares me. I can continue living life as Vicky. Maybe I’ll have a life similar to yours. But maybe I’ll wake up one day, and realize it was all fake.”

“That day may or may never come. Vicky, I can't tell you what you should do. I can only offer you that I have no regrets.”

I nodded and stood up, “Thank you Courtney.”

“I hope you got what you came for.” she said.

“I think I did.” I replied. 

Courtney escorted me out of her home and I walked back to Lexi’s car.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

“No regrets, Lexi” I said. “I’ve been stuck trying to “be in both lanes” as you so eloquently put it. Nicole is moving forward with her life. I need to let her. And I need to let myself move forward with mine.”

Lexi grabbed my hand and squeezed it. My decision was comforting. I was going to turn the page on Victor. It was also exciting, but also scary at the same time. 

* * *

When we got back to the dorm, I texted Tyler to see what they were up to tonight. I was eager to kick-start my new life outlook the right way - with my boyfriend. 

They responded. “I can’t tonight. I’m setting up plans for tomorrow’s date. See you tomorrow. I love you!”

I pouted that I didn’t get to see them tonight. But at the same time, they’re putting in a lot of effort for tomorrow. I hope they don’t work themself too hard.

My phone buzzed. Oh I hope it’s Tyler.

It was Jackie. “What the hell does this woman want now?” I said out loud.

I answered the phone. “Yeah?”

“I talked to your father about your outburst yesterday.” she said.

What? “My outburst?” I said, angrily. “You were the one talking shit about my friends.”

“We agreed we should transfer you to a different school.”

“Fuck no” I said. “I’m a semester away from graduating. I have friends. I’m getting good grades.”

“Nicole Kimberly Rosch. You watch your language.”

Did she just really use my full name? This has gone on far enough. Remember Vicky, you’re starting a new chapter. This woman is not my mother and I’m tired of treating her with respect when she doesn’t respect others. If I’m going to remain Vicky, I’m going to have to put this woman who thinks she’s my mother in her place - or she'll walk all over me for the rest of my life.

“Stop.” I said. “I’m done with this.” I know just the thing to make her head explode. “I’m going to stop the pretense, Jackie. I’m a man. My name is Victor. And when I come home for Thanksgiving, I’m bringing my non-binary girlfriend home with me. And then you’re going to treat us both like human beings. And when I hang up, you’re going to call your sister and tell her you apologize - for everything.”

“Young lady, you can forget about Thanksg-”

I hung up. 

That felt good... telling the truth. She might not have believed it, but I hadn't realized how much the lies had been weighing on me.

I heard clapping from Lexi’s room. “Girl, that was awesome.” She poked her head through her door. “Nicole should’ve done that years ago.”

“Yeah, well she’s gonna be pissed.” I replied.

* * *

Nicole

When I got back to my apartment, my head was spinning. On one hand I completely bombed my presentation. On the other, I got to have a good one on one chat with Aunt Shirley. It actually felt like old times again. A reminder when I’d go to her for advice and she’d take me for ice cream and we’d chat about what was bothering me.

I picked up my phone ready to call Madison for dinner when there was a knock at the door. Oh, she’s prompt.

I opened the door without checking the peephole - only to see Damon standing there. I instinctively went to slam the door on him when he stopped it with his foot.

“Yo Victor, I just wanted to talk,” he said.

“Last time we talked, you violated my head” I said back to him, averting my gaze from him.

“I’ll make this quick, and leave you alone” he said.

I sighed. “OK, make it quick.”

“Brandon is back in town,” he said.

I could feel my stomach turn into knots. “He is?”

“He came to the house for some place to stay. I turned him away - he’s wanted by the police, and TK wants nothing to do with him.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Goodwill” he said.

“What’s in it for you?” I asked. 

“Simple. Brandon is a loose cannon and knows too much.” Damon said. “Some powerful people want him out of the picture as much as you do. If not more.”

“I see,” I said. “I bet this is the part where you ask something of me.”

Damon reached into his pocket and I tensed up. He pulled out a piece of paper and held it out. “Call me if you see him, and we’ll help.”

I reluctantly took the paper. It had Damon’s name and phone number hand-written on it.

Damon nodded and walked away. I closed the door behind him, and locked it. I looked at the paper again, and stuffed it in my wallet.

I pulled out my phone and texted Madison. “Can I stay at your place this weekend?”