Chapter 20 - A Day in the Life

Monday as Daniel, I was able to fall back into my old routine. At least until Lit class. Unexpectedly, Kristy was there at my desk with a huge smile on her face.

“How was your weekend?” she asked.

“Oh, it was good,” I replied. I suddenly felt guilty again for my one night stand with Chloe. But Kristy and I aren’t official. Hell, we haven’t even had our first date yet. “I did some reading. My dorm-mates had some people over for drinks.”

“Sounds better than my weekend,” she replied. “I went home to my parents. It sucked because I was already going to go home for Thanksgiving too. But no, they wanted me home for my baby cousin’s birthday. So it was me, a bunch of toddlers, and a bunch of middle-age adults. Boring.”

“Yeah, that sounds awful.”

“You know what won’t be awful?”

“What?”

“Tonight.” She flashed another great big smile. Kristy was cute. I had a minor crush on her earlier in the semester. But I wasn’t over my infatuation with Kaylee. Of course, just cause D isn’t ready, doesn’t mean Daniel isn’t. So, I need to suck it up.

“Damn right!” I replied. “Speaking of tonight,” I said, leaning into this role I’m playing. Thankfully a previous Daniel set this date up already. “I’ll pick you up at six?”

* * *

I hadn’t been on a date in over a year. I had a few first dates freshman year, but those fizzled out. I’m glad this date was already planned for us. We were going to a casual dining Asian restaurant chain. At least it fit within my modest budget. 

I imagine if I start to go on more dates, I will have to call home to have my parents deposit more money into my account. Of course, they’ll ask me why and I’ll have to tell them about dating. I’m not sure what their reaction will be. Will they be thrilled that their socially awkward son is finally dating? Or will they be concerned that I'm not studying?

I’m also grateful there was a page in my journal dedicated to stuff I’m supposed to already know about Kristy. Her major, what other classes she’s talked about, her family, where she grew up. It also included potential date conversations.

I scanned my closet for some clothes to wear. At the far left of the closet I saw a white garment bag. I opened it to see a brown sports coat. I didn’t buy this. I wonder if the same person who set the date up also bought this coat. It has to be either R or A. Those are the only two I knew who’s been Daniel since he and Kristy started talking.

When I got dressed, I put on a black shirt, dark fashionable jeans and slid the coat on. Standing in the mirror I saw a very handsomely dressed Daniel. Mom would be proud.

I pulled my car in front of Kristy’s dorm. She was standing there wearing a big puffy coat, but peaking out beneath the coat were legs in fishnet stockings and the bottom hem of a floral dress or skirt.

I put the car in park and rushed out to open the passenger door for my date.

Typically, I would say “excuse the mess” but someone - not me - cleaned my car.

We made small talk during the drive to the restaurant. We talked a little bit about Lit class. About the current novella we’re reading. About the professor who makes strange mannerisms and is way too excited about teaching dramatic irony.

At the restaurant the date kicked into full force. After ordering ourselves soda and spring rolls, we started talking about our lives. 

We talked about our family life. Oddly enough we had similar experiences growing up. We were both only children of very busy and successful parents, and we both came from out of state.

She asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I knew before joining the guild I was planning on going home. There’s a digital airline ticket somewhere in my email. She was eager to see friends she hasn’t seen since the summer. I had no one I was eager to see.

We got into hobbies. I reluctantly talked about my interest in fantasy books. Kristy hasn’t read the ones I have. She’s read the popular stuff. In fact, her hobby is actually creating cosplay. She talked at length about creating a costume for the renaissance faire this year.

I asked if she did any role-playing. She smiled and admitted that a few friends occasionally play D&D. I smiled, realizing this must be why A and R like her so much. She could easily be a Guild member if there was room for her. Of course, that would break multiple rules. And I wasn’t about to do any more rule breaking any time soon.

* * *

After we ate and drove back to campus, we pulled up to Kristy’s dorm again. I rushed around to open the door for her, then walked her to the door of her dorm holding hands. 

She stopped and turned around to face me. “I had a good time, Daniel.”

“I did too,” I replied.

I leaned in to give her a goodnight kiss. 

Once our lips met, she clasped her hands around my back and pulled me closer. She wanted more than a kiss, and I was ready to oblige.

We stood there for at least a minute making out.

When we finally stopped kissing, she was all smiles and her face was flush.

“Good night,” I said.

“Good night,” she replied, then turned around and walked into the dorm. She turned her head around to face me through the door window as she kept walking away. Then she ran into someone while she wasn’t looking.

I wanted to say “careful” but she wouldn’t have heard me.

I walked back to my car and slammed my hand into the steering wheel. “Fuck! Why couldn’t I have met her a month ago?”

It's true. I had a good time. A great time, in fact. Kristy is fun to talk to. I feel completely at ease with her. It's just that I’m in love with someone else.

I thought about the Guild rule. “Don’t fall in love.” Is the rule about falling in love with a Guild member or about falling in love in general?

I drove my car back to the parking lot and walked to my own dorm trying hard to put Kristy out of my mind. That is, until I got a text message from her reiterating she had a great night.

Not long after Kristy’s text, I got a QuikChat message from Antonio. “So how did it go?”

“It went great,” I replied. “Thank you for setting this up.”

“I hope you’re OK with it,” Antonio replied. “I wasn’t sure which one of the Guild members would be going on that date with Kristy. But I’m glad it was you.”

I smiled at the idea that Antonio was happy he was playing matchmaker. 

I figured everyone would want to know, so I opened up the QuikChat group and messaged the Guild, “The date went great.”

There were a series of congratulatory messages and emojis from everyone.

I should be happy. I should be ecstatic. While we aren’t official, I kinda have a girlfriend. I mean - Antonio’s right. Kristy is good for Daniel. It’s just that-

And that was the moment I realized it. I’m not Daniel. At least not the current one.

Or maybe I never was. I wasn’t good at it. I was sitting there in my dorm day after day watching life go by. I was living vicariously through my books and my dormmates. But that was just existing, not living. Living was what I had been doing over the past month, since joining the Guild. I was a new person every week. I got a taste of being cute women and popular guys.

The illusion I was holding onto shattered. If I’m not Daniel, then who am I? Who am I supposed to be?

I feel like I need to talk to someone. But who? It’s late. Nobody wants to hear from me at this hour.

I thought about my new friends in the Guild again. I also thought about Morgan’s offer to visit them. It was too late in the day for that, but I wondered what they were doing this week.

* * *

Gabriel (J)

The Monday after a big game is always fun. I had a two-touchdown, 200-yard game on Saturday night. On Monday the coaching staff congratulated us for our performance over the weekend, then we reviewed film from the game. 

But Tuesday - is a clean slate. What happened in the past was over with. We moved on and looked to the next game.

I woke up early to hit the training center. My teammates greeted me enthusiastically as I hit the weights. 

After my workout, I admired myself in the mirror. My chest and biceps gleamed with sweat. I flexed and was pleased with what I saw. What’s crazy is that it didn’t turn me on. Not like it used to when I was an adolescent girl. Not gonna lie - I would’ve had a poster of Gabriel ‘Turbo’ Rameriz on my wall. Next to the queer female celebrities I also had crushes on.

But right now - I am Gabriel. And damn, looking this good gives me confidence.

I see Gabriel in the mirror. No sign of Jasmine. No sign of that homophobic mother. Just Gabriel. And it is glorious.

I looked at my phone that was sitting on my gym bag.

There was an unanswered private text from G. “Any thoughts about what we talked about?”

I looked at the mirror again and smiled.

From day one, being in the Guild was an escape from my repressive mother and a release from the pressures of my life as Jasmine. My entire freshman year was spent either studying or going on dates with my boyfriend, Brian. I put a lot of focus on getting a good job so I wouldn’t have to return home. Although dating Brian was suffocating my social life, dating him was also a way to placate my mother and perhaps never have to return home.

But now, being a member of the Guild allows me to live the life I want to live without anyone questioning it. I can date anyone that I want. Especially girls. Cute ones that make my blood pressure rise and remind me that I’m a man. I smile and flex my biceps. When I’m Gabriel I can take on the world. 

I spent a good portion of my time in the Guild being Robert and Gabriel. Sure being Antonio was good too, but he was in a committed relationship. Being Robert and Gabriel was when I had the most fun. But, that changed when Robert graduated. 

I admit I was upset when I learned S was gifted Robert’s body. 

One. I never considered that an option. Two. I was jealous. Three. What does that mean for me moving forward?

I never considered myself transgender, but I could see the appeal. I barely got to know S before he left as Robert.

So this semester, I’ve been spending most of my time as Gabriel. A few swaps to Sydney and my original body.

Up until now I hadn’t considered the possibility of what it would feel like to be Gabriel on a longer basis. That was until last week.

Last week when the election happened, the subject of Robert came up. Over the summer we had lengthy discussions about permanent swaps. When it came up again, I felt like we needed to revisit it. Antonio shut that down, but after the meeting, while we were studying, G whispered to me and asked me a simple question. “Do you want to trade? Long term?”

“Like a month?” I remember asking.

“Longer.”

I remember looking at Morgan, and Antonio teaching D how to read music. I wondered what they’d think about us permanently swapping. Would they treat us any differently?

G must’ve known I’d spent a considerable amount of time as Gabriel. In fact, while it was hard to keep track of everyone’s swaps, I had this impression G was Jasmine quite often.

The thought scared me. I told him- no her - she was Jasmine at the time, I’d have to think about it. It still scares me. To leave behind the life I grew up in. I wouldn’t miss Mother. I wouldn’t miss my hometown. But I’d miss Willow. I’d miss Lauren.

I needed time to think. I actually hadn’t gotten a chance to be Daniel yet. I was going to ask to be him next, but then Friday happened and D was returned to his body and barred from swapping for a week.

But looking in the mirror… I liked what I saw. The more I looked, the more I wanted to tell G yes.

The idea was exciting. Jasmine was a sophomore. Gabriel was a senior. If I stayed Gabriel, I’d be graduating next semester. What would I do? I’m not good enough to go pro. Gabriel’s degree is in sports science. I could see myself doing that. It wasn’t all that far from Bioengineering anyway. Technology to help athletes is improving all of the time. 

I replied to her text, “I’m game if you are.”

I then started daydreaming of all of the possibilities if I just stayed as Gabriel. 

It’s Tuesday. Last week is over. Today starts a clean slate. 

* * *

Jasmine (G)

I was showering when I got the response from J. She was game. No, he was game. A wide grin spread across my face. Cause J is Gabriel now. I’m Jasmine. I’m her. A slight tingle filled my body as I considered my new name and pronouns for the foreseeable future.

Sure, we hadn’t agreed on a time frame yet. But the idea was simple. Instead of role playing, we were just going to be each other. Make decisions based not on what the original body owner agreed to, but what we wanted to do.

It’s one thing to role-play Jasmine. It’s another thing to just be her. I should really use the rest of the week to simply be Jasmine to see how it feels.

I danced around my room pulling different outfits from my closet. It was a chilly fall day. A cute sweater. Skinny jeans. Knee-high boots.

I found Morgan leaning up against my door frame.

“You’re in a good mood today, G,” she observed.

I give her a friendly grin. “I’m Jasmine today, Morgan.”

“Oh, sure. Right,” she replied. “I just figured since we all reset for the week we stopped role-playing.”

“Well, if J is still role-playing Gabriel, I should still role-play Jasmine,” I replied, hiding the actual truth - that J and I were contemplating a permanent switch - and I wanted to be Jasmine.

“I get it,” she replied. But did she really?

After we both grabbed a quick breakfast from the fridge, we got our stuff for class and boarded the shuttle.

The shuttle passed the Athletics center. I glanced at it and thought about what I’d be missing. The hyper-masculine locker room? Nah. Having to listen to the coach go on and on about school legacy and how our team is the most important part of our lives. Bite me.

I wasn't always like this. I grew up a football boy. Like my brothers, I was enrolled in youth football when I was five. My sisters were in cheerleading. There was a clear separation of gender roles and expectations in my family.

I was good at football. I took pride in scoring and playing with my teammates. Coaches and parents kept telling us that football was life. I was happy. My teammates were happy. But you know who else was happy - my sisters. They were happy and they weren’t in football. Sure they cheered us on, but their lives didn’t revolve around what we did on the field. They would cheer and smile even if the football team lost. In some ways it felt like we were trapped and they were free.

After my bioengineering classes, I headed back towards the Math building for my final class of the day. I found Lauren waiting there in front of the Math department.

She smiled at me. I reached out and held her hand and we walked together into the building.

“I had fun on Saturday,” I said.

“I know,” she giggled. “You told me yesterday.”

“I just want to make sure you know it. Hey, do you want to come over tonight?” I asked. 

“I might have some homework,” she replied. “Do you want to come to my place instead?”

I thought about it. While I wasn’t fond of Lauren’s sorority, it might be a good opportunity to check out the new Ella for myself. “Sure,” I replied. 

We got to the fork in the hallway.

I turned to her and squeezed her hand. “Have a good day, Lauren.”

She squeezed back and for a moment her eyes glanced at my lips. “You too, Jaz.” I tingled when she called me Jaz. It helped define the new me.

I smiled as I watched her leave. Lauren had a great ass. Not as good as mine, though. Maybe a close second.

Both J and I have been working on Lauren for a while. We knew she was into us, but we had to give her space and support, and let her come out on her own terms.

I walked to my class and a number of the guys smiled at me and raised their eyebrows in a subtle flirtatious way. I had started to get used to guys flirting with me. It was weird at first, but a part of me enjoyed the attention. I knew how flustered I’d get when I would walk past an attractive woman.

But I’m just not into them. It’s one of the many things I like about being Jasmine. I can continue to be into girls and no one will care.

Except for Jasmine’s mom. But I can deal with her. I’ve dealt with coaches yelling into my ear since I could walk. A homophobic mother is nothing I can’t tune out.

In fact, now that I know I will be Jasmine for the foreseeable future, I’m going to put distance between me and “Mother.” I’ll keep talking with Willow, though. She’s thinking of applying to college here. That would be awesome. While I grew up in a large family, I wasn’t close with my brothers and sisters. Willow is different. She looks up to me, and I love having her around. She treats me like a big sister and it gives me all the joy in the world.

Speaking of Willow, she texted me last night to tell me she’s excited to introduce me to her new boyfriend when I’m home for Thanksgiving. I’m excited to provide my sisterly duty and support her. 

Of course if that guy ever lays a hand on my new sister, I will unleash my suppressed Gabriel and kick the living shit out of him.

* * *

I made my way to the Delta House. I’ve been here a few times. Once to help Lauren move in, another another time when she wanted to hang out. It was a complete coincidence that I managed to not be Jasmine other times. Or maybe I was avoiding it.

As Lauren escorted me through the sorority house, I recognized Ella who was standing in the hall, clutching her head. She looked sick.

She recognized me and stood up straight.

“Ella, are you OK?” Lauren asked. “You need something?”

“Something for a headache,” Ella replied.

“Sure, come with us.”

Both Ella and I walked behind Lauren. 

As we walked, Ella shot me a few glances. It was an awkward walk down the hall because I certainly didn’t want to hang around Ella or Aiden or whatever we’re calling this person. She probably had the same thoughts about me.

“Hi Jasmine,” she creepily mumbled.

“Hi Ella,” I replied carefully. I didn’t want to let on that I knew her secret.

We reached Lauren’s room as Lauren opened up a drawer and looked up at Ella. “How severe?”

Ella looked confused as she held her head. “What?”

“Well, do you want the Advil, or the Midol?”

Ella’s confusion intensified.

“Here’s the Midol,” Lauren said, tossing the pill bottle to her sorority sister. “I’ve been there.”

Ella caught the bottle then looked at me. “Can I speak to Jasmine in private real quick?”

Lauren shrugged and looked at me.

“Sure, I guess,” I replied.

I followed Ella back into the hall.

“What do you remember about Halloween?” she asked me.

Ah, time to recall D’s account of that night. “I remember you being drunk.”

“Did something happen?”

“Yeah, your boyfriend forced himself on me.”

“No, I remember you wanting a threesome,” she replied. “It was consensual.”

“No way,” I insisted. I didn’t know exactly what happened between Aiden, Ella, and D, but I know it wasn’t consensual. “I was there. I didn’t give consent.”

“You bitch! You told me you wanted a threesome.”

“Are you upset you didn’t get one? Is there something you really want to say to me?” This is it. I need her to admit she’s Aiden. I need her to tell me if she wants to remain Ella or swap back to Aiden.

That’s when her phone buzzed. She looked down at it and back up at me. “I have a visitor. I have to go.”

Bummer. This conversation could’ve helped us resolve this situation.

I was curious, so I stealthily followed Ella back to the common areas. She went to the door and let a visitor in. It was Aiden. They were whispering to each other and I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

I pulled my phone out of my purse and I took a quick photo of the two of them together for Guild evidence then returned to Lauren’s room. 

Lauren and I talked briefly about what we wanted to do. We agreed a movie was good for tonight.

After Lauren was done with her homework, we laid on her bed and watched a movie off her laptop. I laid against a pillow propped up against the wall. She laid her head on my lap.

I found myself stroking her hair at times during the movie. She casually rubbed my leg with her hand.

The sexual tension was unbearable. I was almost glad I wasn't a guy or else I couldn’t hide how turned on I was.

There was a knock at the door. Since we didn’t bother to close the bedroom door, a sorority sister stood there with a grin. “Check this out,” she whispered.

Lauren sat up. “What's going on?”

The girl silently motioned for us to follow her.

We followed her down the hall to where I knew Ella’s room was. A few sorority girls were standing around holding their ears up against the door.

I didn’t need to put my ear against the door. The familiar moans of a sexual encounter filled the hallway. A number of the girls around us were blushing and holding their hands up against their mouth trying to mute their giggling.

“Should we do something?” one girl asked.

“Like what?” another responded.

“Maybe, like, tell them to keep it down?”

We were interrupted by Ella screaming in pleasure, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Fuck me! Harder!”

Even I couldn’t help but blush. After all, I was still horny from snuggle time with Lauren.

“Take my cock, you bitch!” Aiden could be heard demanding from behind the door.

Some of the girls hung their heads in disgust.

“Who’s with her?” One girl asked.

“OK, ladies, back to your rooms,” a woman in her 20s announced. She then looked at me and Lauren, announcing, “Visiting hours are over.”

There were disappointed groans from the crowd in front of Ella’s door.

“That’s our House Mom,” Lauren explained to me. “I’m sorry, looks like we have to cut movie night short.” She looked flustered and even more disappointed than the other girls.

I understood. I imagine the House Mom is the sororitie’s version of a resident assistant. After all, I lived in a dorm when I was Gabriel, Antonio, and Daniel. The RAs were always around to break up craziness. “Yeah,” I agreed.

We hugged each other. She held me a little longer than usual. I was waiting for her to invite me to stay, but she didn’t.

As the crowd dispersed, I left too. At least I got some good tantalizing gossip for the Guild.

* * *

Antonio (A)

I couldn't remember the last time I felt so drained. How could it be harder to handle just one course load and a few Student Council meetings than trying to live six lives at once? I had just enough time to get some homework sorted before heading out to volunteer.

I had only been in my dorm long enough to set my things down when there was a knock on my door. I straightened up and put on as big a smile as I could muster and opened the door ready to tackle whatever problems were on the other side.

I was not prepared for James to push past me with a larger-than-usual basket of food. 

"James, I wasn’t expecting you. That smells great, but you shouldn’t have." I twisted my smile to show how relieved I was, but also how sorry I was. "Can I get a rain check?"

James was already clearing off my desk and setting our places for dinner. "Not a chance, hon. You have been pushing yourself too hard this week, and I would be remiss if I didn't force you to take care of yourself. And by ‘take care of yourself’ I obviously mean that I am going to take care of you."

"You really don't need to. I'm fine. And I already signed up to volunteer tonight at the-" I couldn't finish before being cut off.

"No, I spoke with Lily and explained to her that you were feeling under the weather. She wants you back in tip-top shape and agrees that you should take the night off."

I was not thrilled that James had gone behind my back. He's lucky that I love him. It was clear that James wasn't going to take no for an answer, and frankly I didn't have the energy to have an argument right now, so I gave in to his demands. I exhaled. “Thank you. I do need a break.”

I watched as he took pre-made food out of the basket. It smelled wonderful. I sat down on the bed waiting for him to finish.

“So,” he said, looking at me with a hurt expression on his face.

“So?” Where is he going with this?

“Long time no see, A.”

“I’m… sorry I haven’t been around more often.”

“I haven’t seen you all semester.”

“James, you know I’ve been living other lives.”

“I know. And I’m willing to share you. Though, I expected you to be Antonio occasionally. But it's been since the summer. Summer, Tony. I haven’t seen you since the summer. It’s practically Thanksgiving!”

“I tried to break up with you. You knew what you were getting into.”

“You’re lucky I love you and your five friends.”

I sighed and rubbed my temples. More pressure on me

He came over and massaged my shoulders and hugged me. “I’m sorry I got angry. I miss you. I like the other Antonios too, but I miss the real thing.”

“I missed you too,” I admitted. “When I’m other people, I’m not really in a relationship. There were many nights I’d lie awake thinking about snuggling with you.”

“I know,” he whispered.

He leaned in for a kiss, and I gladly accepted. I melted into my boyfriend. It was like being home again.

After the kiss he looked at me with that mischievous grin again. “So, since you’re finally here, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Something came up in the Guild. We did a reset.”

“Hmm, you know I like a good story.”

“Let me tell you about it over dinner. The smell is making me hungry.”

* * *

"That's a hell of a story," James finally said.

James had always been a good listener. Even so, it amazed me that he let me talk without interrupting for 40 minutes. "And now we're trying to figure out next steps. As I mentioned, not everyone is on the same page."

"Well you're not going to figure it out alone. And you aren't going to figure it out if you keep pushing yourself like you have been this week. I know you said you are punishing yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to break yourself. You're bad enough about taking time for yourself as it is."

"Hey, I like helping others. I want to help anywhere I can. We, as humans, are stronger together, as a community, and I am doing my part to foster a better community."

"You can't meet everyone's needs if your own needs are never met. You are also part of 'everyone', after all."

"I'm fine. My needs are sated."

"Bullshit. Look, I love you," he leaned in to give me a tender kiss, "but when you are in Antonio mode - hell, even when you’re not - you never put any of your focus on Antonio. I'm not complaining. You've got five great friends who are helping to keep your life more balanced. I just worry about what's going to happen when that stops being the case. If this week is a representation of that future, you aren't going to last long before you burn out. And neither of us wants that."

"Are you suggesting that being in the Guild is making me worse?"

"Quite the opposite, actually. It's making you stronger. More resilient. More empathetic. More knowledgeable. But instead of burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, you are burning six candles in a sort of rotation. You can push yourself harder because you don't have to suffer through the consequences of going past any one body's limits. You've got five other bodies refreshed and ready to go. That isn't always going to be the case, and you need to learn how to limit and regulate yourself. Sometimes you just have to say no."

James always was incredibly insightful. It's one of the many reasons I love him. And one of the key reasons that I chose to tell him about the Guild. Actually, I'm not sure he hadn't figured it out already by the time I did tell him.

Maybe he had a point. Perhaps I was using the Guild to increase my available energy to put into helping others. Doubt began to creep in. Could it be that I was making things worse for the other Guild members? Was I twisting the Guild into a tool for my benefit? It was starting to feel like I was doubly deserving of this self-imposed punishment.

James let out a deep sigh. I turned to face him. Before I could say anything he put his hands on my upper arms and locked eyes with me. The amount of concern on his face could not be understated. “Let me lift some of this stress off of you,” he whispered. “You don’t have to do anything.”

I smiled. Who am I to argue with my boyfriend? I let him take me. I pushed my worries away for the night.

I awoke the next morning, alone in my bed, sheets and pillows strewn all over. I smiled, remembering how they got that way. I smiled even more when I saw a big blueberry muffin sitting on my nightstand with a note propped against it. “Dear Tony, thanks for a wonderful evening” With a number of hearts drawn on it.

* * *

Sydney (R)

I was sitting at home staring blankly at the music composition program on my computer. I didn’t know where to take this arrangement. I knew it needed an additional verse and refrain towards the end.

The problem is I was stumped and I felt I had no creative juices left to finish this.

Writer's block sucks.

I think one of the biggest problems that keeps nagging me is that - I’m not a musician. S was. I’m sorry - Robert. God, it’s so weird referring to my former body in the 3rd person.

It’s not to say I’m unhappy as Sydney. It’s more me… meh.

I feel that same ambivalence towards the four other guild members too. I was really hoping I would feel some sort of euphoria for being Daniel. I didn’t.

So back to square one.

It is weird of course, looking in a mirror every day and never seeing myself anymore. I imagine that’s what it must feel like to really be transgender.

Did I regret that I let S take my body? 

A little bit. 

But S needed it more than I did. I did something good for someone I loved. His happiness should keep me going. But since I don’t see him often, I feel like I gave up something I shouldn’t have. Now I’m in limbo.

In his defense - he refused at first. He was planning on hormones and transitioning Sydney’s body the normal way. I reminded him that we have a magic swapping stone. In five seconds we could fix his dysphoria permanently.

He told me the gift was too much. That he couldn’t possibly accept.

I pushed him.

He finally accepted.

And I was rewarded with the relief I saw on his face as he was finally his real gender. The raw euphoria radiating from from the knowledge he never had to be a woman again. That he owned that body now.

Of course, it’s not a gift I could take back. Robert is happy in my old life.

My only real hope is that someone will want to take Sydney off my hands. Then I will stick around the Guild until a person joins who - like me and S - wants to trade.

What happens if that doesn’t happen for a long time? What happens if someone does take Sydney? And if someone takes the next open body. And I still don’t have a body to go to? Can I stay in the Guild infinitely? Does that make me immortal? Will my soul age while my available bodies remain forever college-aged?

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone buzzed. Good, I can use some procrastination from looking at this composition.

I was expecting it to be someone from the Guild. Instead it was from someone I didn’t recognize. Who is Kaylee?