Chapter 30 - Kaylee Part 4

After dessert, most of the family had fallen into a food coma on the couch watching a movie. Sydney’s head was nestled on my shoulder. It felt as if a weight had been lifted now that we had both come out to the family and could stop pretending.

Of course, that didn’t change the fact that in these bodies, K still saw me as her sister. I imagine next time I come back I’ll be Sydney and K will be herself again. And… and… I suppose we can be more intimate. There was a knot in my stomach at the thought. Despite everything, if we currently had the stone in our possession, I wouldn’t want to swap with K yet.

I looked around the living room and noticed Alyssa wasn’t with us.

I carefully moved Sydney’s head off my shoulder and got up from the couch. I went upstairs to look for my sister and found her in her bedroom playing on her phone.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” she answered.

I sat down on the bed. “Thank you for standing up for me. It really means a lot.”

“It’s the least I could do. I’m your sister. I wish you would’ve told me, though.”

“I couldn’t risk you telling Mom and Dad before I was ready.”

“I would never do that to you.”

I felt a pang of guilt that I had judged Alyssa to be untrustworthy up until now. I wish I could’ve trusted her sooner. “I know Sydney really appreciates your support, too.”

“She’s a nice girl, Kay.”

“She is. I’m so glad I met her.”

She put her phone down and looked up at me. “What’s your plans for the rest of the weekend?”

I hadn’t thought that far. “I dunno. Thanksgiving is over. I know I don’t care for Black Friday shopping, so I was thinking Sydney and I would just head home.”

“Well, I was hoping you could stick around for another day.”

“Really? And do what?”

Alyssa shrugged and gave a knowing smile. “We could go to Howie’s tomorrow night.”

“Really? You want to go to Howie’s?”

“Yeah, really. I know you wanted to go. And it’d be a shame to not show Sydney how well you sing. Besides… Alex and Chrissy already said yes. It’d be a shame to cancel now.”

She’s doing this for me. I couldn’t help but smile - even if karaoke wasn’t my first choice. I could feel the warmth from her. As if she’s chipping away at the wall between us. “Thank you for organizing that.”

“Also, Mom wants a girls’ day in the morning. Maybe a mani-pedi?”

A mani-pedi? I chuckled. I’ve never had a mani-pedi before. And to get to do it with my mom, sister, and girlfriend? “I’d love to.” Another chip out of that wall.

Alyssa beamed.

“Thank you. Again,” I said. I feel on the verge of tears, so I should go before she thinks I'm weird.

As I was about to get up she whispered, “Are we cool now?”

I sat back down, and looked into my sister’s eyes. I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. “I want to be.” Tears welled up in my eyes.

“Then why drag it out? You’ve held this grudge for three years. Nick's been out of the picture for a long time. You have a wonderful girlfriend now. Why are you still punishing me?”

I tried to choose my words carefully - especially since I wasn’t the real Kaylee. But being Kaylee for two days has given me enough insight. “It wasn’t all about Nick. But what happened between you and him at graduation was just the final straw.”

She looked at me for clarification.

“I’ve always been seen as the invisible twin. The shadow. The imperfect copy. Always ‘Alyssa’s sister.’ It was easy to ignore when we were younger, but as we got older the frustration and envy kept building. I never had my opinions respected. You always took the lead.”

“I’m older,” she said, forcing a sheepish smile.

I didn’t know that. “Only by like…” I hoped she’d complete that sentence.

“Twelve minutes.”

“Right. But that’s what I’ve had to deal with. We never did what I wanted to do. I was always the shadow. And when Nick happened, all of that was thrown right in my face. Even with Mom and Dad. Up until today, I could do nothing right. You could do nothing wrong. Hell - you’re the one that gets to go to college. I wanted to go to college too. I had to leave. I needed to find out who I was. I needed to be someone - not just Alyssa’s sister. I needed to understand who I am. I needed space.” I stopped talking to let all that sink in.

Alyssa looked down and wiped a tear. “I didn’t know. I mean- I knew what I did with Nick hurt you. But I didn’t know how bad. I didn’t know you felt that way about me. That you needed space. It was hard for me to do all of this without you. I had taken you for granted. I always assumed my twin sister would be in my corner. Instead we were strangers. I had to do this college thing by myself. To find friends who loved me like you did. Even my grades slipped without you supporting me. I eventually did it. I’m proud of that, but I had nobody to celebrate with. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” A tear rolled down my cheek.

“You know I’m jealous of you, right?”

“So you’ve said. I don’t get it, though. Jealous of what?”

“Mom and Dad let you get away with whatever you want. You’re the rebel. You’re the independent one. I wanted to move out and get my own apartment too. They refused and told me after college.”

“That doesn’t come without its own struggles.”

“You’re also better at talking to guys… and girls, so it seems.”

“But you’ve got Daniel.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “It’s not that serious. And I don’t think he really likes me that much. He hasn’t told me he loves me yet.”

“I’m sorry, Aly.”

“So we’re both jealous of each other,” she said. “We’re sisters. We’re twins. It comes with the territory. Remember that time we swapped places?”

I cocked my head in curiosity, but didn’t say anything.

“We had just seen that old movie, The Parent Trap, and you had this crazy idea that we should pretend to be each other.”

“Oh, yeah.” That sounded like a nice memory. I wish I had it.

“Mom and Dad immediately saw right through it.”

I laughed. “That was fun.”

“You’ve always wanted to be someone else,” Alyssa mused. “But I love you just as you are.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. That’s something I’m going to want to talk to K about. I glanced behind me to see if anyone was in the hall. Nobody. It was just me and Alyssa. I turned back to my twin sister and she placed her hand on top of mine. 

“Kay,” Alyssa was tearing up now. “I would do anything - anything - for you.”

I wiped away more of my tears. “You have no idea how much what you did for me today means to me. Standing up for me to Mom and Dad. Planning a Howie’s night.”

“Something’s been different with you these past two days.”

“It has?” I froze.

“I’m not sure if it’s the time away. Or that you've grown as a person. Or maybe it’s Sydney. But… it feels like I have my sister back.” 

I was speechless. Rationally, that made no sense. I’m not her sister. Her real sister is downstairs napping. But I felt it. I felt like her sister at that moment.

She must’ve noticed my quivering lip, because she got up from the bed and hugged me tightly. “I love you, Kay.”

I hugged her back. “I love you, too, Aly.” 

For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a sister. 

* * *

The next morning, all the women were up bright and early. Nobody mentioned the drama from the previous day. 

Mom asked Owen if he wanted to join us for mani-pedis and he scoffed at us. “Dad wants me to help him today anyway.”

I was oddly anxious about my first mani-pedi. I even told K about it. “This is my first time, what if I don’t know what to do?”

“Don’t be nervous, all you’ll need to do is sit back and let them pamper you.”

Dad was up early too, hauling storage bins from the attic. He was in a gruff mood. “It’s too early for this,” he complained to Mom.

“Thanksgiving is over,” she reminded him. “It’s Christmas time, now.”

“It’s not even December yet!”

“It will be December on Sunday, Dad,” Alyssa reminded him.

He scoffed again. “Then I’ll wait until Sunday to put them up.”

Mom stared at Dad with that ‘don’t mess with me’ look, and he quickly backed down. “Fine,” he muttered, knowing any further resistance was futile.

I peeked in the storage bin to find neatly bundled strands of Christmas lights. I giggled. Not because of the seemingly normal argument of when it’s appropriate to put Christmas lights up, but because if I had gone to Daniel’s instead of here, I would be doing the same thing Owen is doing. I wonder how R is handling my former home.

I turned to my brother. “Don’t forget to hold the ladder for Dad.”

“I know the drill,” he replied, rolling his eyes at me.

As we left the house, Mom called back, “Have fun, boys!”

When we got to the spa, we waited in the lobby first next to a wall of nail polish bottles. Mom, Alyssa, and Sydney, each knew the routine and picked their own bottle. I turned to Sydney, “What color do you want me to get?”

She looked at me quizzically. ‘What color do you want?”

“It’s your body,” I whispered.

“No, it’s still yours for the weekend,” she whispered back. “Plus, it's your first time. I have to imagine this is a rite of passage for a trans woman. Indulge yourself.”

I rolled my eyes. I don’t know what color to get. Are there colors for seasons? Are there colors to match my complexion? Could I get more than one color? I was tempted to ask Alyssa or Mom what to get, but K was right. I should pick it myself.

I scanned the wall and was drawn to the reds, oranges, and pinks. I scanned the reds. There was every shade possible. From the dark blood reds,to the reds that could pass as pink. There was one that was drawing my attention. It was a candy apple red. Bright and vibrant and calling my name. I hoped getting red wasn’t too clichéd.

I glanced over at Sydney, and saw her give me an approving smile. “You can get a second bottle if you want a different color for your hands.”

Another color? “Nah, I’ll stick with one color this time.”

The four of us were led to a dark and cozy room, filled with soothing music and four comfy massage chairs.

I put my feet in the bubbling hot water. “Oh, that’s nice,” I purred. 

Warm towels were draped around our necks, and we sat there in silence, listening to the music as the chairs massaged us.

Eventually the nail technicians came into the room and turned on their work lamps. 

The technician filed down my toenails, and scraped the bottom of my feet. I flinched because it tickled at first. Then they scrubbed my feet and calves with some scrubbing salts and oils. 

I watched as my toenails were painted with the candy apple polish I picked out. I loved the color against my toes. When the technician was done, I couldn’t stop staring at them. They were so cute.

Next we were brought to another area of the spa that was brightly lit and filled with more people and conversation.

There the technicians did the same things to our hands.

“So, Sydney,” Alyssa began.

“Yeah?” Sydney hesitated.

“You’re dating my sister.”

“I am,” she giggled.

“I want the full details.”

“Aly!” I exclaimed. “It’s none of your business.”

“Hey, I’m not talking to you,” Alyssa smirked. “I’m talking to my sister’s girlfriend. How long have you two been a couple?”

“Offically? Exactly two weeks,” Sydney replied.

Alyssa’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wow, you two move quickly! Where’d you meet?”

“We met in a coffee shop almost a month ago and found we liked the same books and drinks. Kaylee asked me if I wanted to read a book together.”

“Cute. Are you two living together?”

“You better not be,” Mom chimed in.

“No,” Sydney giggled.

“When’s the date?” Alyssa continued.

“The date?” Sydney questioned.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed. Me or Sydney. But honestly - I was enjoying every moment of being embarrassed by my sister.

“If I’m going to be the maid of honor,” Alyssa said slyly, “I want to make sure I have the date open.”

“As if,” I chimed in.

Alyssa leaned over to Sydney, and whispered intentionally loudly. “Between you and me, I think you have her wrapped around your finger.”

“Do I?” Sydney replied rhetorically.

“Yeah. She never brings anyone home. The fact that she brought you home is a big deal.”

“We are so happy to have met you, Sydney,” Mom added.

The rest of the day was uneventful. We let Sydney pick where we went for lunch. She picked a small organic cafe. After lunch we returned home to find Dad and Owen still hanging Christmas lights. Dad was yelling obscenities at one string that apparently refused to light. Mom set the mood inside by playing some Christmas music. 

This was the most I’ve seen Alyssa happy and engaged with us. Obviously our talk last night helped our relationship, but it also had an effect on how she treated Sydney, too. I noticed Alyssa hanging out more with Sydney. Deep in conversation and sharing giggles. I’m glad K opened up to her. All it took was for her to be someone else.

Dinner tonight was much more chill, and Sydney was treated like a member of the family.

* * *

After dinner, it was time to get ready to go out to Howie’s. I got the feeling Howie’s was different from Dockside, so it would require a different style of outfit. Thankfully, Sydney was willing to help me pick it out.

Apparently Howie’s Hideaway was a country bar, so for me she chose cowgirl boots and skinny jeans and paired them with a cream button-up blouse. The blouse was not opaque enough to hide the lacy black bra underneath. As I had learned from my time as Jasmine, that was certainly a style choice.

Sydney wore an outfit very similar to the one K wore during our Sunday afternoon together. Jeans with an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a crop top. I didn’t pack any sort of boots, so she wore sneakers.

As we were about to get changed, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Alyssa poked her head in. “Hey, Kay, can I borrow something?”

“Sure, come in,” I replied.

“There’s a cute floral dress I want to wear tonight,” she said, pointing at my closet.

“Sure,” I said with a smile.

Alyssa scanned my closet and pulled out the dress in question.

She took it, dropped it on my bed, then pulled her T-shirt off.

That’s when Sydney took her top off too.

Not to be left out, I also started changing.

When I looked up, my twin sister was topless. Wow. We really are twins. I quickly looked away. I pulled off my own bra so I could put on the lacy black one I picked out.

I remembered the first time I changed with K. We were shopping for bras. I remembered her reminiscing about Alyssa. What did she call themselves? “Look! It’s the Fantastic Four!” I giggled.

Alyssa looked at me like I was crazy.

I glanced at Sydney, who was on the verge of laughing. “The Fantastic Four. I get it.”

“We…” Alyssa said with a confused smile. “We haven’t called them that since middle school.” 

I need to remind myself to thank Sydney for the out-of-date joke.

“If I had a twin,” Sydney said, trying to smooth that over, “I’d totally still call them that, though.”

All three of us laughed.

There was a pounding on the door. “Keep it down!” Owen yelled.

If anything, that only made us laugh even harder.

When the three of us were finally dressed I looked my twin sister up and down. “That’s such a cute dress on you.” 

She smiled. “Thanks Kay. I like your outfit too. It’s very country.”

“We’re going to a country bar right?”

“Yeah, but there’s no dress code.”

“Well, I’m prepared in case line-dancing breaks out.” I did a quick shuffle of my boots.

That elicited more laughs from both Sydney and Alyssa.

* * *

We arrived at Howie’s Hideaway. An old bluegrass song was spilling out through the windows. When we opened the door, we were assaulted by the volume of the music and the off-key screeching of the drunken amateur singer. The place itself was a dimly-lit country bar full of neon beer signs, arcade games, and digital poker machines. The scent of fried food filled the air. Peanut shells crunched under my boots.

The person on stage was singing “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, and really butchering it.

Alex was already at a table with the rest of our friends and waving us over.

I went over to Alex first. “Alex!” I shouted before embracing them in a big hug.

“Kaylee! Good to see you again.”

I motioned to Sydney, “Hey - you remember my girlfriend, Sydney?”

“Yeah! Wait - your girlfriend?” Alex repeated with a smirk.

“Yup,” I replied. “We officially told my parents last night.”

“OMG!” they squealed. “Hey girl,” they said, hugging Sydney. “That’s so awesome.” After the hug they looked at me. “So when did you figure it out?”

I knew what she was asking. When did I figure out I liked girls? I’m not sure how to answer that as Kaylee. I remember what happened during our book club date. She was in denial then, but I didn’t want to share that detail. “I dunno,” I shrugged.

“A few weeks ago,” Sydney said, nudging me.

“Seriously?” Alex replied. “I thought you were going to come out senior year.”

Sydney looked at them in confusion.

“Nah-uh,” I pretended to deny it.

“Yeah-uh,” Alex countered. “Remember that list you made? The girls at school you had a girl crush on?”

I glanced at Sydney for a hint on how to handle this. I saw no hint. “Yeah.”

“Especially that one girl, Shelby. You followed her around like a puppy dog. You complained when she took that guy Jason to prom.”

“He was so wrong for her,” I joked.

“Well, they’re married now. But you were totally obsessed with her back then.”

“Oh.” I glanced over at Sydney who seemed shocked that her friend knew she was bisexual three years before she did.

When we took our seats I leaned into Sydney and whispered. “So who is Shelby?”

Sydney giggled. “Well because I was the shadow twin, I was always jealous of people who were much more visible than I. She was the drum major and extremely popular. And we sat next to each other in Chemistry. She knew my name.”

“And attractive?”

“Very.” Sydney turned red. “I remember telling Alex. ‘I’m not a lesbian, but damn would I love to kiss her.’”

I nodded with a smile. “That’s what every straight girl says,” I giggled.

“I was in denial, OK?” She playfully nudged me. “Besides, you shouldn’t judge.”

“I know,” I grinned.

Alex sat in the vacant seat next to me. “Kay, are you going to sing something?”

“I uh…”

“Yes!” Alyssa urged. “You should!” She gave me that stare that silently reminded me “We came here for you.”

“Here,” Alex said, dropping a binder of karaoke songs in front of me.

I looked at the thick, daunting binder. “I have no idea what to sing,” I admitted.

“Have you ever karaoke’d?” Sydney whispered.

“Sort of,” I replied. “At home. Growing up my parents had a karaoke game for PS4.”

“What did you sing?”

“I don’t remember. I wasn’t particularly good at it. They made me sing oldies. Stuff from the ‘80s and ‘90s.”

“When I would sing,” Sydney explained, “I would sing something fun from Taylor Swift or Britney Spears.”

I wanted to remind her that up until two months ago, I was a guy and admitting that I enjoyed female vocalists would be social suicide. “I like Taylor Swift,” I admitted. That felt good.

“Then I’d start there with a song you recognize. Can I go first?” 

“Absolutely,” I said, pushing the binder to my girlfriend.

Sydney grabbed the binder and started flipping through it. After a minute or two she wrote a song on a sheet of paper and sent it up to the Karaoke DJ.

“What did you pick?” I asked.

“‘Running Up That Hill,’” she replied with a smile.

“The song from Stranger Things?” Alyssa asked.

“Yeah,” she replied. She glanced at me. “It’s about swapping places with the one you love. To hope they understand your perspective.”

Our eyes met. She winked at me and smiled.

“That was an awesome season,” Alyssa said, interrupting our silent conversation. “I wonder when the next season will come out?”

The current singer finished up to a lackluster, but polite, round of applause. 

“Next up,” The DJ announced, “Is Sydney!”

My friends at the table cheered as Sydney made her way up to the karaoke machine.

The familiar new-wave synth music started as she waited for the words to come on the screen.

“It doesn't hurt me,” she sang, trying to find the right notes. After all, she was in a different body. K knew how to sing. Sydney was a music major and could play musical instruments. But could she sing? “Do you wanna feel how it feels?” That sounded better.

Alyssa hollered, “Yay, Sydney!”

Sydney smiled. “Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making?” Wow, she could sing.

I stood up and cheered.

She pointed at me and sang, “You. It's you and me.”

More cheers.

She pulled the microphone off the stand and I broke into the chorus, “And if I only could. I'd make a deal with God. And I'd get Him to swap our places. Be runnin' up that road. Be runnin' up that hill. Be runnin' up that building. Say, if I only could…”

“Your girlfriend is awesome!” Alyssa leaned into me with pride.

“She is.”

After the song, Sydney was met with cheers. She took a bow like the many times she’s done that as Kaylee.

Upon returning to the table she was met with lots of fawning by Alex, Chrissy, and Alyssa. 

She whispered into my ear, “Thank you for this. This has been an amazing weekend.”

“Same,” I replied.

“Wow, Sydney, you can sing just as good as Kaylee!” Alex remarked.

That’s when everyone started looking at me.

“Kaylee, when are you going to sing?” people at the table started asking.

“You don’t have to,” Sydney whispered. “I understand.”

I have to. Not just because Alyssa organized this whole outing for me. Not because Sydney just sang. Not because I’m Kaylee and everyone is expecting me to sing, but because it feels right. I feel safe with these girls. “I feel like I was just put on the spot,” I joked, looking around at my friends. My heart starting beating quicker

“Sorry about that.” Sydney gave me an innocent smile.

“No - it’s OK. Karaoke should be fun. I’ll do it! I want to do it.”

She slid the binder in front of me.

I took a deep breath. OK, let’s find a song.

“That was so weird,” Sydney commented on her experience. “It took me longer to find the right notes than it normally does.”

“Muscle memory,” I replied, flipping through the binder. “Sydney must not sing as much as Kaylee does. So it was like you were trying to play an instrument that isn’t yours.”

She nodded. “Facisinating.”

As I flipped through that binder I kept hearing my dad’s - Daniel’s dad’s voice in my head. “You can’t sing a girl’s song.” And it didn’t matter if it was a boy band. There were girls' songs and boys' songs. While I didn’t think I had any gender dysphoria back then, I took his word for it, and always skipped over any pop music. One of those artists I enjoyed, but denied publicly, was indeed, Taylor Swift.

The binder sat there open to Taylor Swift songs. There was a song I wanted to sing right now. Sure - the song was twelve years old, but it took me back to a time when I was a kid and I’d dream of having a love that only Taylor could sing about. A love from a fairy tale. I pulled out my phone and turned my camera to selfie mode. Kaylee's beautiful face - my beautiful face - reflected back at me and I was filled with a momentary shot of euphoria. I’m living that fairy tale.

I wrote the song on the paper, got up, and handed it to the DJ. I returned to the table a nervous wreck. Sydney recognized that look on my face and didn't disturb me.

After two singers, it was my turn.

“Next up is Kaylee!” the DJ announced.

I walked behind the karaoke monitor and stood there, nervously holding the microphone.

The music started playing as the strum from the guitar filled the bar. The first lyrics from Taylor Swift’s “Everything Has Changed” came up on the monitor.

I softly sang, “All I knew - This morning when I woke - Is I know something now - Know something now I didn't before.” I closed my eyes. Musical memory kicked it and I found myself tuning my vocal chords. I mean - I’m not Taylor Swift - but I’m not the screeching cats who sang earlier. And maybe if K was in control of this body it would be a little better, but all I knew is this was much better than anything I could do as Daniel.

The ambient noise of the bar silenced. I opened my eyes to see the whole bar giving me their undivided attention.

“And all I've seen - Since eighteen hours ago - Is green eyes and freckles and your smile - 

In the back of my mind making me feel like-”

I locked eyes with Sydney as I sang the next bar of music. “I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now.” She was very much a part of my fairy tale. I locked eyes on my twin sister who stood there with a smile and tears. I continued singing. Standing on the stage under the spot lights, throwing passion into the chorus. I saw Alex singing with me. 

“All I know since yesterday - Is everything has changed.” 

The bar all stood up and cheered. I was welcomed back to my table with praise. A lot of the friends at the table told me they missed me and my Karaoke singing and that I always had the best voice of the group.

The rest of the night was a blur. More songs. More friendly banter from friends reminiscing about a past that I didn’t live but wished I had.

Out of the corner of my eye, I found Alyssa and Sydney telling jokes like old friends. Taylor Swift was right. “Everything has changed.”

* * *

My vision began to refocus. I looked down at my massive green hands. That’s right - I was an Orc. I was participating in the cleansing ceremony similar to what Lenaria had undergone. The glow of the intricate patterns that had formed on my skin during the cleansing had started to fade.

Through the steam, I could barely make out the figure of the priestess. She appeared to be wiping down a large object. I couldn’t see her face. Was she Toriji?

I shifted my weight. The movement was more than I had intended and I ended up knocking over a nearby bowl.

The commotion caught the attention of the priestess. She swiftly closed the distance, crouched behind me, and helped guide me up from the small pool. 

"It is not uncommon to be a little disoriented after your first cleansing." Her voice was no longer echoing through my head. It would probably sound melodic if it weren't for her consistently even cadence and disinterested tone.

"Sorry." My voice boomed with a strength it had not had before. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Sorry about the bowl. I hope I didn't break anything."

Once I found my new balance I noticed that the priestess seemed shorter. "Were you taller before?"

"Many aspects of our bodies change as they are drained. Your body was drained considerably. After the restoration you are able to stand at your full height again."

"So... I am no longer... drained?" I hated speaking so plainly, but cleansings were so foreign to me - even though I remember reading this scene several times in my previous life as a human. I can barely even remember that life. 

The priestess regarded me. She appeared to ponder for a moment before answering. "Your condition was unusual. The connections between your physical and spiritual forms were disjointed... disrupted... almost dissimilar. I am an expert with these connections and still I struggled. After realigning your two halves I was able to channel energies into and through you, but your capacity for holding energy has been reduced. Over time, you will continue to restore naturally. Are you not able to feel the difference between your current state and your normal state?"

I wasn’t sure what she was telling me, but it oddly made sense. I remember hopping from body to body. Somehow ending up in this Orc. I considered how best to phrase my response. "I can't recall the last time I felt this... connected."

The priestess' gaze lingered for a moment. She returned to the large object she had been focused on when I woke up. "I had this brought here for you."

I made my way over to the object. Each step felt more natural and fluid than it had since this whole ordeal had begun. Through the steam I noticed the outline and frame of a mirror. 

“Are you ready to see your true form?” the priestess asked.

“My true form,” I echoed. I wiped away the condensation and stepped back in shock, not prepared for what I saw.

Standing in the mirror. My reflection was Kaylee.

* * *

My eyes opened and I realized I was still in Kaylee’s bedroom. It was still dark and the only light emanated from various LED devices around the room. Sydney was soundly sleeping next to me.

The knot in my stomach was back, and my breathing was labored. I felt trapped. But unlike during Thanksgiving, it wasn’t because I wasn’t allowed to be myself. This time I realized what had been bothering me all along. I liked being Kaylee. This whole weekend I let the line between D and Kaylee blur so that I considered myself Kaylee. 

I realized I wasn’t role-playing anymore. When had I stopped? At Thanksgiving? At Karaoke? Was I ever? 

Kaylee wasn’t a character I was pretending to be. 

Kaylee, at least this version, is who I am.