Chapter 7 - New Beginnings

SATURDAY

I woke up to Speckles licking my face.  I opened my eyes and pet her. "Good morning to you too Babygirl now get down so da- mommy can get up and fix you breakfast." Speckles got down as I sat up stretching and yawning..  The sun was streaming through the window.  I slept pretty good.

I got up to let Speckles out.  But first, I changed into one of my old t-shirts, and grabbed a pair of Kathy’s shorts. I let Speckles out and walked Into the kitchen.

Passing my height mark on the door jamb I noticed I hadn't shrunk anymore..  Cupping my breasts told me those have not grown either.  I grabbed the back of my hair.  It seems to have stopped growing right at the middle of my back.

The transformation must be over.  I thought back to last night.  It was so fun.  It was almost like I was living a different life.  Yesterday I outed myself on social media.  I had willingly accepted a new name for myself.  That means today will be my first full day of being Erin, a cute 36 year old woman.  Unemployed too.  I’m going to have to fix that last part.

I picked up my phone to finally check the fallout from my social media post.

A friend request from Sierra.  I added Sierra back.

A female friend, Gina from my gaming group said, “OMG, Aaron I can’t believe you just came out as trans!  I wanna hear all about it!”

One of my male friends, Harry said. “Congratulations Aaron.”

A former coworker, Kayla said.  “Have you picked a new name yet?”

I replied to Kayla.  “My name is Erin now.”  I added in a smile emoji.

I had 10 more of those types of messages.  I even got messages from people I didn’t know.  Likely friends of Sierra’s.  Those messages were sharing positive messages about courage and finding myself.  A good start to the morning, regardless.

I let Speckles back in and fed her as I started getting out a bowl to make breakfast.

There was a knock at the door and Speckles barked.  I got up to open it, on my front porch was my sister Emily.

“Em. You’re early.”  I said still a little groggy.

“I came once I saw your Instagram picture.” she said.  “Oh my God!  Look at you!  You look so much like me!  We could almost be twins.”

“Oh I haven't noticed.” I said sarcastically.

“I brought you coffee.  No Sugar.  French Vanilla creamer.”  She handed me a coffee cup.

“Thanks.  You didn’t have to do that. Come on in.  I’m just about to eat breakfast.”

Emily came in as Speckles jumped on her, sniffing her and trying to lick her.  Emily pet her.  “Hi girl.  What’s that?  Your male companion changed into a female?  She smells better now, huh?  You don’t say.”  Both Emily and Speckles followed me.

I sat down and poured myself a bowl of cereal.  Emily sat in front of me.

“So what happened?.” she said.  “Tell me everything.”

I filled her in on everything that has happened during the past 5 days.  The drug trial, my transformation, Kathy leaving, Mike groping me, quitting my job, my new friend Sierra.

“You’re going by Erin now?”

“Yeah.  A part of me was considering something else.  Something not as close to Aaron - maybe Alexis - but the more I heard people calling me Erin, the more it grew on me.”

“Alexis is pretty too.  You could always pick it for a middle name.”

Talking about names made me realize that I’m going to have to legally change every single ID I own.  Sounds like a headache. I parroted my thoughts verbally to Emily.  “I’m going to have to change every ID I own.  That sounds like a headache.  This sucks.”

“Welcome to being a woman!”  Emily gave me a smirk.  “I had to do it when I got married.  Now you get to do it!”

Shit.  Now I feel stupid for insulting her.

“So you’re 100% woman now?”

“As far as I can tell.  I am on the outside at least.”

“Can I see the dress you bought?”

“Yeah.”  I said getting up and walking to my bedroom.  Emily and Speckles followed.

The dress was still draped over my dresser from last night.  I lifted it up to show her.

“Nice. Can I see it on you?”

“I guess.”  I was about to remove my t-shirt when I said.  “I’m not wearing a bra.”

“So?  We’re both sisters now.”  She gave me a warm smile.  It put me a little more at ease, but I still found it a little weird stripping in front of my older sister.

I took the t-shirt off, feeling my cheeks go red.  I was standing there in my girlfriend’s panties - in front of my sister.  How embarrassing.  Despite being a woman now, I kinda still felt like a crossdressing man.  I’m sure I’ll get used to this.  Grabbing the dress, I slipped it back on.

She looked me up and down.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, do you want me to sugarcoat it or be honest?”

“Be honest, Em.  That’s why I called you.”

“Good.  I’ll start with the good.  That is a very cute dress.  You fit it well.  But-”

“But?”

 “Erin.  Erin, dear.  My new sister. You know I love you. You’re very pretty. But you have to shave.”  She giggled.

“Shave?”

“Yes. Your arms. Your legs. Your armpits.  You look like a cave girl up close.”

“I didn’t realize.” I said looking down and noticing.  I guess I really hadn’t looked at my legs.

“You were excited.” she said.  “And I bet your new friend just didn’t have the heart to say.”

“My new friend - Sierra is just as new to this as I am.”

My cell phone rang.  The caller ID says it’s coming from the grocery store.  Oh boy.  I was kinda expecting this call. “Its work - the one I just quit.”  I told Emily.

“Well, answer it.” she insisted.

I nodded.   “Hello?”  I answered.

“Is this Erin?” the male voice on the other end asked.

“Speaking”  I replied.

“Hi Erin, I’m the regional manager, I wanted to call to talk to you about what happened yesterday.”

I took a deep breath and sat down next to Emily on the bed.  “Go ahead.”

“We’ve let go of your store manager Mike for his actions.  Yours wasn’t the first complaint about him.  It was the first time he’s physically assaulted someone though.”

Just hearing him say that made me feel ill.  “I see.”

“Erin, we want to offer you your job back.  In fact, we want to make you a cashier, which comes with increased pay.  Your peers and the assistant manager have vouched for your work ethic and team spirit.  Corporate also has resources for trans employees such as yourself.”

“I uh.  I don’t know what to say.”

“If you want to take a few days to think about it, we can hold this offer open a little longer.”

Emily was smiling and nodding at me. 

“I’ll take it.”

“Welcome back to the team, Erin.  We’ll add you back to the schedule starting Monday morning.  Have a good rest of your weekend.”

“Thank you.  You too.”  I said.  We hung up.

“I have a job again!” I told Emily.

“That’s so awesome.  What did you want to do with the day?”

“I think I need clothes.  I meant to buy clothes yesterday but wound up just having too much fun with Sierra.  Maybe make a list of everything I need to do to fix my identity.  Tell me everything I need to know about being a woman.”

She laughed.  “Yes.  Let’s do that.  Shower and shave first.  Then we can go shopping.”

“Do I really have to shave everything?” 

“You were a guy a week ago.  You’ve seen women naked. I bet you have a preference. You know the answer to that.” she said with a smirk.  

“Ug”  I said.  “Double standard!”

She laughed.  “Now you get to see what we’ve had to put up with.”

I searched the cabinet under the bathroom vanity and found a bottle of Nair.  I held it up to Emily.  “Have you ever used this stuff?”

“I personally just use a razor, but since you’ve never shaved those parts before, you can start with that.”

I went into the bathroom, read the directions on the bottle and started applying it to my legs.  After the allotted two minutes, I took a wet rag and wiped the cream off.  To my amazement, all of the hair came off with it.  “This stuff is crazy!”  I said out loud.

I repeated the process with my arms and armpits, anywhere I missed on my legs.

I then took a pair of clippers to my bush.  I eyed it for a minute or so.  What do I want that to look like?  There’s only one person I want to have sex with.  What would she want?  What would Aaron have wanted?  I decided to go with a neat landing strip.  I trimmed around it then used some of Kathy’s shaving cream and a new razor to clean up around it.

When I was done, I hopped into the shower to rinse off.  I was amazed at how smooth I was after doing that.

I took a nice long shower.  After last night I was much more comfortable with my body.  I let my hands explore every curve of it.  I was mesmerized as I watched the hot water run off my shoulders and down my breasts.

When I was done exploring and all clean, I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. When I dried off, I felt my legs.  They were so smooth.  So sexy.  I suddenly started to get turned on then stopped.  

When I came out of the shower, wrapped in my towel, Emily was placing clothing on the bed.  “I brought over some extra clothing of mine that I don’t wear anymore.”

“That’s awesome.”

“We appear to be the same size now, so these should all fit!”

“Today is the first day I don’t have to go to work.  What should I wear?”

“I’m just wearing a cute top and jeans.  Let’s start with that.  Pick out an outfit.”

I scanned the folded clothing on the bed.  I picked out blue skinny jeans and a lavender top.

“That’s a cute combo.  I think you’ll get the hang of this very quickly.”

I walked to Kathy’s underwear drawer and pulled out a bra and panties.  “I really need my own underwear”  I pulled up the panties.  They felt great on my smooth legs.  Despite how often I’ve done our laundry, I never really noticed how soft they were.

“We’ll add that to our list.”

* * *

We decided to go out underwear shopping first.  I’m glad I had Emily with me.  I would've been way too embarrassed to go alone. She escorted me into the store and to the underwear section.

“Have you figured out your bra size yet?”  Emily asked.

“No. I’ve just been wearing Kathy’s older bras.”

“Well let's get you fitted.”

“What do I tell them?  That I’m 36, and I don’t know my bra size?”

“Watch and learn dear sister.” she said walking up to a sales girl.

“Hi.” she said.  “My sister here has been complaining about back problems.  I told her she’s likely wearing the wrong bra.  She claims to never have been properly fitted before.”

I turned red with embarrassment.

“This way.” the sales girl said, taking me to the changing room.

“Sorry”  I said.  “This is embarrassing.”

“You’d be amazed at how many women wear the wrong size bra.  Don’t be embarrassed.  Can you take your shirt off please?“

I took my shirt off. 

She wrapped a measuring tape around the upper part of my chest just above my breasts.  “Your band is 36 inches.” Then she wrapped it around my boobs. “Your bust size is 39, that means you’re a C cup.  36 C.”

I guess that was painless.  I took this new info with me to Emily.

40 minutes later, I had a shopping basket full of bras and panties.   As I went to pay, Emily pushed me aside and paid with her credit card instead of me.

“Em!  You don’t have to pay. These are my clothes.”

“I finally have a younger sister I can go shopping with.  I also know you’re hurting financially.  Consider this all early Christmas presents.”

“Thank you.”  I said wiping a tear out of my eye.

We went store after store.  I got some leggings, more jeans, some flannel and plaid tops for autumn weather, a few more work shirts, a few things of pantyhose, and a skirt that Emily insisted on getting me.  We went to the shoe store.  I got flats, new sneakers, and a pair of black heels.  She also got a whole bunch of makeup so I don’t have to use up Kathy’s.  I’m going to have to pay her back.  This was all too much.

* * *

When we got home, I took my bag of clothing and walked into my room.  I opened my underwear drawer and emptied all of the boxer shorts I had and replaced them with the new bras and panties I got.  My bras and panties.  Not Kathy’s.  Mine.  It was a weird thought.

I hung up all of the new clothes I got too, pushing all of my old stuff to the side.  I’ll go through all of this another time.

Together Emily and I made a list of all things I needed to do.

Change my ID and social security, make sure all of my properties are in my new name.  Car, title, registration, find a “lady doctor”, etc.

I told Emily that I was expecting Sierra to come over later in the afternoon to prepare for her date with Darcy.  She was OK with that as she was eager to meet my new friend.  Plus this gave us a reason to dress up together too.

* * *

Sierra, currently presenting as Ben, came over and I let her in.

“This is my sister Emily.”  I told her.

“Hi.” she said.  “I’m Ben.”

“You don’t have to hide.” Emily said.  “I saw the picture of you girls together.”

Sierra bit her lip.  “I guess I just don’t feel like a Sierra at the moment.”

“We can change that!”  I said.  “Emily has agreed to help both of us.  And get you ready for your date”  I looked back at a nervous Sierra. “If you’re cool with that.”

“I am.” she said.  “I’m just very nervous.”

“Ok girls.”  Emily said.  “Let’s sit at the table.”

All of us sat down.  “Sierra, have you done your own makeup before?”

“No, But I’ve watched YouTube videos and imagined it was me.”

For the next hour, Emily had us sit in front of a mirror and she coached us on how to do our own makeup.  It was weird at first, but I was able to get the hang of it.  Sierra caught on much quicker than I did.  Maybe it’s because this has been a dream of hers for a long time, and I of course, was a man 5 days ago.

I gave Sierra the good news that I was returning to work on Monday.  She was excited.  I also said that they were going to move me to cashier.  Sierra said that she was getting moved up to cashier as well… well Ben was.

When our makeup was done Sierra looked like her cute pretty self again.  She put on the other dress that I bought for her last night.  The new satin floral dress.  She looked amazing and ready for her date.

I changed out of the purple top I was wearing and put on a burgundy sweater top Emily gave me.  Emily changed into a black skirt with a navy blue top.

Emily got out a curling iron and hair spray and styled our hair.  When it was done, both Sierra and I admired ourselves in the mirror.  I was impressed at how well I looked.  I actually took pride in it.

“Can I get a picture?” Sierra asked, handing me her phone.  

I took a picture of her smiling in her dress.

“Can you get in too Erin?” 

“Sure” I handed the phone to Emily.  “Oh, Em, can you take one with my phone too?”  I don’t know why I’m so excited about this.  This is Sierra’s date night, not mine.

Emily took pictures with both phones.

“Can I get one with my sister?” Emily asked, handing her own phone to Sierra.  Sierra took our picture

Once Sierra and I got our phones back, we posted our pictures to Instagram.  Emily just laughed at our eagerness to post our transformations.

* * *

When we got to the restaurant the three of us got out of the car and walked up to the outdoor hostess at the restaurant.  

“How many?  Inside or outside?” she asked.

“Two. Outside.” I replied.

She then escorted us to a table.  I saw Darcy a few tables away, so I escorted Sierra to Darcy.

Darcy stood up and smiled.

“Darcy, this is my good friend Sierra.” I said.

Sierra was squeezing my hand and was blushing.  She took her mask off as well and smiled back.

“Sierra.” Darcy said.  “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“Thank you.” she said, still nervous.

“Have a seat, stay a while.” she said motioning to the empty seat across from her.

“Good luck and most importantly, have fun”  I whispered into Sierra’s ear.

“Thank you” she replied as she took her seat and I walked back to Emily.

The waiter came by and stopped by our table. “Good evening ladies, can I get you something to drink?”

It’s still weird to be called a lady.

“Yes.” Emily said. “I’ll take a house margarita.  And my- sister-  will have…”

“Same.”  I added.  

“Why’d you order for me?”

“I really just wanted to use the word ‘sister’ again.” she giggled. “I’ve never had a sister before.”

I laughed.  “It’s going to take me a while to get used to that.”

“Which is why I keep doing it.”  she laughed. She pointed back at Sierra and Darcy. “They are so cute together.”

“They are.”

“That was a good thing you did there, Erin.  I didn’t know you were capable of being such a matchmaker.”

“It was fun. It helped take my mind off of my own relationship problems.  I needed the distraction.  Plus I kind of like them.  As friends I mean. I hadn’t had any real good friends in a while.”

“So let’s talk about Kathy.  Have you heard from her yet?”

“No.”

“You said you thought maybe your relationship was on the rocks before your… transition?”

“Yeah.  Finances were hurting us.”

“Is that all?”

I took a deep breath.  Was it only the finances?  “I think she may have resented that she was working and I wasn’t.  Now granted, I think she appreciated everything I did around the house, but household chores for a family of 2 and a dog don’t take very long.”

The waiter brought us our drinks.  Emily held her drink out.  “To new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings”  I echoed as we clinked our glasses.

I took a sip of my drink and sighed.  “Is it possible she doesn’t want me back?”

“It’s possible.  She might be waiting for you to own your mistake.  Maybe show her that you’re concerned for her feelings.”

I thought about that.  I was very much not accepting my situation last time I saw her.  My texts have been pretty much selfish about how I wanted her back.  

“I need to re-introduce her to Erin, don’t I?”

“Absolutely. There is no more Aaron, therefore she doesn’t even know who she’s dating anymore.”

I frowned.

“Erin. I’m your big sister.  I will miss Aaron.  I will miss my brother.  Even though I’m happy to have Erin and a new sister in my life.  And I know you’re still the same person.  I know that Aaron didn’t die and he lives on in you.  I know all of that.  And I’m just your sister.  Imagine what’s going through your girlfriend's mind.  Is Kathy mourning her boyfriend?”

I took another sip of my drink.  “I’ll see if I can get her to talk to me.  I’ll give her my total undivided attention tomorrow.”

I looked back at Sierra and Darcy.  Both were smiling and laughing.  They were holding hands on top of the table.  I wonder how long they were crushing on each other before I arrived.  It’s so great that it worked out between them. 

I turned back to Emily.  “What if Kathy is straight?”

“Then you both deserve closure.”  She said.  “Erin.. how about you?  What are you feeling?”

“Me?  Well.  I um.  Nothing has changed.  I’m still straight… I mean.  I’m still attracted to women.”

“Are you sure?”  She looked around, and found a group of guys at another table.  “Those guys over there.  Are any of them cute?”

“No.  Not at all.  Still not into guys.”

“The table of women over there?”

“Well the brunette one is kinda cute.  The blonde has a nice rack.”

She laughed.  “See.  That answers that question”  she took a sip of her drink.

“But I still love Kathy.  I want to get back together with her.  I want to propose to her.  I want to- have... kids...”  I let the sentence trail off as I just looked at Emily.

Emily saw the sadness that washed over my face.  She grabbed my hand and held it. “There are other ways Erin.”

I closed my eyes and wiped a tear away.  “You’re right.  First things first.  I need to talk to Kathy.”

I saw that black van drive by again.  I got that paranoid feeling again.

* * *

When Sierra’s date with Darcy was over, the two of them walked over to Emily and I, holding hands.  So cute.  Darcy thanked me for setting everything up, gave Sierra a peck on the cheek and left.

Emily paid our tab.  This gave us the opportunity to grill Sierra for details.

“I’m on cloud nine.  That was so good.  We agreed to have another date… without an audience.”

I laughed.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I asked you to come.  I was nervous.  I’m really glad you set this up.”

We drove back to my house, Sierra washed up and presented as Ben again as she said good night to us and left.

Emily and I sat on the couch watching TV until she fell asleep on the couch..  I scrolled through Instagram comments again.  So much positivity coming from people I used to know that have come out to tell me how pretty I look and offer me encouragement.  If there were transphobic people in my network, they didn’t message me.

Some people were asking about what I was wearing.  What kind of makeup I put on.  Where I bought the outfit.

I wonder if I should post about some of this on my blog.  I got minimal engagement from my movie and TV reviews.  What if I shared some of my experiences on becoming a woman?

I started walking to my bedroom.  Maybe tomorrow.  I’ll add that to my list.  But at the top of that list was win Kathy back.