Chapter 6 - Acceptance

When I got home, I was still in an utter state of shock.  

I opened up my computer and started doing some research for Dr. Fry.  Nothing on the web.  Nothing on facebook.  Nothing about the clinic.  I couldn’t find anything.  It’s as if the guy and clinic never existed.  A bad feeling started to grow in me.

This got me worried.  Dr. Fry admitted to me that he was working for the government.  What happened?  Did someone get to him?  Will they come for me too?  Was this all in my imagination?

All morning, depression gripped me from losing my manhood.  Now I’m afraid for my life.  The good news is that if I needed to run, I could hide behind my new identity.  Would these people be looking for an Aaron?  

I got up and walked into the kitchen, walking by the height measurement I made this morning.  Grabbing the pencil from the counter, I drew another mark.  There was no huge difference between now and this morning.  Maybe this is slowing down.

I peeked into my pants.  My penis was even smaller.  I didn’t examine it any further.  I was too afraid to look at it.  Do I even call it a penis anymore?

My phone rang.  It was Ben.  I answered it.  “Hello?”

“Aaron.” he said. “I’m done with my shift.  I’m calling to see how you’re doing.”

“Not great Ben.  It’s been an awful day.”

“You shouldn’t be alone.  Can I come over?”

I sighed.  I guess I could use a friend.  “Yeah, sure.”

“Great. Text me your address.”

* * *

Ben came over, Speckles greeted him by jumping on him, trying to lick his face through his mask.

“So I think Mike is going to be fired.”  Ben said.  “It’s about time too.”

“That’s good.”  I said, forcing a smile. “You can take your mask off in my house.  We’ve been working together for a week now.”

Ben took his mask off.  “Everyone is singing your praises.  We all make such shitty money that everyone is afraid to lose their job.  You stood up to him.  I heard a rumor that the owner may call you offering your job back.  Most likely to avoid a lawsuit or something like that.”

“I’m not sure I want it back.  Can I get you anything, Ben?” 

“I’m good for now.”  he said.

 I sat down on the couch.  I motioned for him to join me.

“You deserve to hear the truth about me.”  I said.

He sat down and listened.

“On Monday morning I was your average cis male.  I identified as a male.  Not a single thought about ever being trans.  My girlfriend was about to dump me.  I was in desperate need of money.  I signed up for a drug trial without knowing what it would do.  Yeah, they gave me forms that told me.  But I didn’t understand it, so I didn't read it..  Starting Monday, I started to transform into a woman.”  I took a deep breath.  “I’m not really trans.   At least not in the way you are.  I’ve been physically transformed at the genetic level.. Or at least that’s what that crazy doctor told me.  On top of all of that...  my girlfriend... the whole reason I needed a job and money, moved out when I started growing breasts.”

He looked at me blinking for a moment.  “Wow.  Sorry about your girlfriend.”  He reached over and squeezed my hand.  It made me feel not so alone anymore.  “So um… “ he said with a smile.  “Where can I get some of that drug?”  He laughed.

I laughed too.  Thankfully he was trying to lighten the mood.

“Here’s the kicker.” I said.  “I asked them to create a drug to change me back.  Then the damn place burned down.”  I started laughing.  I don’t know why.  It wasn’t really funny.  But I couldn’t stop laughing.  I felt a tear.  Was I laughing or crying?  Was I doing both?  “The fucking place burned down.  Can you believe that?”

The laugher seemed infectious, so Ben started chuckling.  “So - a cis male signed up for an experiement drug that changed him into a woman?  That shit doesn’t happen in real life.”

“It does.  And it happened to me.  Of all people.”  Our laughter seemed to have calmed down.

“Are you done?  Transforming that is?”

I calmed myself.  “I don’t know.  I think I’m close to the end.  I haven’t shrunk since this morning.  I have a vagina with a very large clit.  So... I’m not the transwoman you think I am”  I put my head down.

“Well.. you were born a man.  You transformed into a woman.  So I guess you’re trans now.”

I laughed.  “But I identify as a man.  And I’m genetically a woman now.  Doesn’t that make me a trans man?”

He laughed.  “Yeah, don’t hurt yourself trying to find the right label.  You are who you are.”

I shrugged.  “So now I’m in over my head.  I don’t know how to be a woman.  I’ve been wearing my girlfriends clothes all week.  I feel weird about it.  I think I should go buy my own clothes if I’m stuck like this.”

“Right now it seems we’re both in the same boat.” Ben said.  “We were both assigned male at birth.  Regardless of our unique situations, we’re both learning how to be women. I say we go to the store to get you clothes.”  he said. “We can learn together.”

I smiled.  “OK then.  Let’s do it.”  We both stood up “I can drive.”  I said, grabbing my keys as we both left the house.

Ben grabbed a backpack out of his car and brought it with him to my car.

As I pulled out onto the street I saw a black van just sitting there.  I didn’t recognize it.  Nah, I’m thinking too much into this.

We drove to the nearest town center.  Restaurants and clothing shops, and boutiques.  I’d come here to eat a few times with Kathy, but I usually avoided shopping here.

I stood at a crosswalk, looking at the directory of the town center when I noticed Ben wistfully staring at the makeup store.

There was a sign in the window.  “Free 20 minute makeover.”

I could see the longing in Ben’s eyes as he stared at the sign.  I had an idea.  Something crazy.  Something I would have never done by myself.  But since I’m with Ben, and he clearly wants to do it, we should take this leap together.  “Have you ever gotten a makeover before?”  I asked.

“Never” he replied.

“Neither have I.” 

“Let's do it then.”  I said walking towards the store.

“Wait.  I can’t.”

“Why not? We’ll do it together.”

“I’ve never done this outside of my house.”  he said timidly.  “What will they say when a man comes walking in?”

“I’m sure we aren’t the first trans women to walk in there.  We’ll do it together.” 

“Says the guy who looks like a cis woman.”

“Then as long as you’re with me, it’s not weird.”

We walked into the makeup store and we stopped at the receptionist.  “Hi.  We’d like the 20 minute makeover.  This is my friend.  She would like one too.”

Ben blushed and moved behind me to hide.

The receptionist smiled.  “Do you have an appointment?”

Oh crap.  Really?  “No we don’t” I said a little disappointed.

“One moment” she said walking to the back.  She came back 30 seconds later. “We can take you both right now.”

We both sat down, the beautician had us take off our masks.  Then she got to work. She made some small talk.  We both admitted we were trans and had never done this before.  I could see Ben relax after he admitted that to the beautician.  

Every step of the way she showed us the product she was using, which wasn’t a surprise.  They give you a free makeover so they can sell you on the products.

When I saw Ben, his makeup looked amazing.  He had pulled his ponytail out and his hair was down.  Aside from his masculine clothes, I would’ve never believed that face belonged to a guy.

He was staring at the hand mirror in shock.  I needed to compliment him.  “Ben.”  I said. “You look… pretty.”

His face turned to joy.  He looked at his reflection for another few seconds before he turned to me with such a big smile...  

“Sierra.”  she said smiling.  Her voice was higher.  “Call me Sierra.”

I smiled back.  “Sierra.  You look pretty.”

“Didn’t you look at yourself yet?” she said.

I looked at the mirror.  In it was a beautiful woman.  I saw hints of my sister and my mother.  I looked nothing like Aaron.

Our next stop was a clothing store a block away.  I didn’t know what I was doing.  But I knew I needed jeans.  Sierra grabbed a shopping cart.  Our first stop was the jeans section.  

I scanned women’s jeans.  But then just stood there.  “I don’t know my size.”  I said to Sierra.

“There’s a changing room over there.  Pick up something that looks like it fits, and get the size above and below it.”  She picked up a few pairs and tossed them into the cart.  I did the same and we both walked to the changing rooms.  

“Have you done this before?”  I asked.

“No.” she said.  “But I’ve fantasized about this forever.”

I tried on all 3 pairs.  And found the one that fit the best.  It was snug on my waist, made my butt look cute and wasn’t too tight on my legs.

“Can I see?”  Sierra asked

I came out showing the jeans I settled on.  

“Those look great on you.” she said.

“Thanks.”  I said, blushing.

After we were done with jeans, Sierra spoke up.  “That was too much fun.  We have to do it some more.  Let’s do dresses!”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“Oh no!  I’m not letting you off the hook that easily,  I said I wasn’t ready for a makeover and you insisted.  I’m insisting we try out dresses.”

She had a point.

We walked to the dress section.  

Sierra was so excited she went from rack to rack looking at dresses.  She did the same thing she did with the jeans.  She pulled a few sizes off the rack and laid them into the cart.  She then held a navy floral print dress up to me.  “You should try on this one.” she said.  

I blushed.

“Pick some stuff for yourself too!”  she said.

I grabbed a patterned dress off a rack without really looking at it and put it into the cart.

After filling the cart up, we both walked to the changing room.  

“Can you help me with something?” Sierra asked.

“Sure.”  I replied.  

She led me into one of the stalls and opened up her backpack.  She pulled out a small black corset, then pulled off her mask and her t-shirt. She held the corset around her waist.  “Can you tie me up?  I don’t quite have the figure yet for some of those.”

I noticed that I could see white lace panties sticking out above the waist of her jeans.

“OK”  I said.  “But I don’t know what I’m doing.”  I started tugging at the laces.

“As tight as you can get it.”

I pulled harder and heard her grunt a little.  “I’m not hurting you am I?”

“I’m fine.” she said.

When I was done lacing her up, the corset gave her a much better figure than she had.  I walked into my own stall.  Sierra had picked out a few dresses for me to try on.

I pulled off my face mask and then my work clothes.   I was down to my bra and panties.  I mean Kathy’s underwear.  When did I start considering them mine?

I pulled out a patterned dress first.  I wasn’t a fan of the pattern.  It didn’t really fit well.  I took that off.

I next tried on the floral dress that Sierra picked out for me.  I smoothed out the dress as I looked in the mirror.  Sierra has good taste.  The dress hugged all of my curves.  It had a v-neck and this is the first time I really noticed my cleavage.  I looked like a real woman. "Oh wow" I said to myself.

“Come on out and let’s show each other!”  Sierra said, excited.

I exited the changing room and saw Sierra with the biggest smile on her face.  She was wearing a light blue sleeve dress.  It fit her waist perfectly and didn’t draw attention to her lack of breasts.  She was examining herself in the mirror, twirling the hem of the dress around.  In the short time I’ve known either Ben or Sierra I have never seen that wide of a smile on her.  She was truely herself in this moment.  

“Sierra, you look amazing in that.” I said.  I smiled too.  I couldn’t help it.  Her smile was infectious.

When she turned to me her jaw dropped.  “Oh Aaron”  she had a big smile, grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the mirror she was in front of.  “I knew that would look good on you.  I know you didn’t plan for this, but you look gorgeous.”

In the mirror, staring back at us were two women, smiling and happy.   For the first time since this all happened I had a real smile.  I don’t know how she did it, but Sierra was able to bring me out of my funk.  I was actually having fun.  I was also able to acknowledge that I looked good.

“What do you think, Aaron?” she asked.

I was stunned.  That was really me.  I turned to Sierra and said.  “Erin.  I’m Erin now.”

Sierra hugged me.  “It’s nice to finally meet you Erin.”

A tear rolled out of my eye.  Dammit, I thought Dr. Fry said these emotions would level off.

Sierra and I changed back into our original clothes.  Sierra’s smile faded when returned to her guy clothes again as she put her mask back on.  In the shopping basket was the clothes we had just taken off.

“Wanna go somewhere else?  Grab a bite to eat?” she asked.

I had an idea.  I looked at my wallet.  I had enough for it.  It’s not about the money.  That smile on my new friend’s face is worth it.   “Sierra, which outfits were your favorite?”

She picked up the light blue dress from earlier “This one, followed by this one.”  She held up a satin floral dress.

“Good”  I said as I took them and walked straight to the checkout counter

“No.  You can’t” she said.

“It’s my treat.”  I said.  “You have no idea how much you have helped me this evening.”

“Well, at least buy something for yourself.”

She picked up the floral dress I tried on and tossed it to me.  “This is the dress you were wearing when you first introduced yourself to me as Erin.”

Another tear.  “OK”

I paid for the clothes in my hand.

“Thank you.” she said.

“You’re welcome.”  I said. “Now let's put these on.”

“Now?”

“Yes now.  Let’s grab a bite to eat.  Erin and Sierra have places to go.”

* * *

We left the clothing store dressed in our new clothes. Our previous clothes tucked away in a shopping bag.  I realized we both were still wearing sneakers.  But oh well.  We were two cute girls.  Nobody will call us out on our choice of footwear.

We stopped at a restaurant and we were escorted to the outdoor seating.

“Let me take a picture of us.”  Sierra said.  She pulled out her phone and sat next to me.  We pulled off our masks.  “Smile”  she said as she took a selfie of us.  

It was an awesome selfie.  Two girl friends enjoying themselves.

“Can I tag you in it?” she asked as she replaced her face mask.

“I thought you weren’t out?”  

“I’m not.  I have two separate social media accounts.  One for boring old Ben and the other for Sierra.”

I sighed and thought about it.  The more I fight this the worse it gets.  I haven’t come out to anyone except Kathy, Emily and Ben so far.  And so far  I’m 2 for 3 of acceptance. 

“Yeah.”  I agreed. “Tag me.  It’s time to stop hiding and time to start accepting that I’m not changing back.”

I gave her my Instagram username.  I hear my phone’s chime that I got tagged in a picture.  I pulled out my phone and looked at it.  She had written.  “Out on the town with my new bestie Erin.  Show her some love!” I looked at it, bit my lip nervously, and reshared it with my followers. “Out on the town with my new friend Sierra.”

“That was a big step for you.” she said.  “I’m proud of you.  By the way, you didn’t have to buy me two outfits.” Sierra said.

“Yeah, well it’s your turn for a big step.  The second outfit is for your date with Darcy.”

“Date?  Darcy?”

“Yes.  I set Sierra up on a blind date.”

“But I can't.” she said worrying.

I grabbed her hand.  “Sierra, trust me.  Darcy is expecting a cute trans girl to show up.”

“But I’m not a cute trans girl”

“Yes.  Yes you are.” I squeezed her hand.  “I pulled the selfie back up on the phone.  I see two beautiful women here.”

“I’m nervous.  I mean I’m excited.  I haven’t been on a date in a long time.  I’ve never left the house as Sierra until this evening.”

“It’s OK to be nervous.  I’ve been on plenty of dates. I’ll help you. ”

“OK” she said.  She closed her eyes and let out a squeal  “Yes.  I’ll do it!  I wanna go on a date with her!  So badly!”

I smiled as I picked my phone back up and texted Darcy.  “My friend wants to meet you. She’s excited.” I typed and hit send.

As I looked up I saw another black van in the distance, parked on the street.  It could be just a coincidence.  Or it could be the same black van.

Just then the waiter brought us our food.

I got nervous so I asked for our check too.

* * *

We got back to my house.  I looked up and down my street for that black van but I didn’t see it.  I felt a little relieved.

Sierra and I spent twenty minutes just sitting on my couch while I texted Darcy back and forth. Sierra was both nervous and eager.  So we eventually settled on tomorrow evening.  A local bar and grill.  I was going to accompany Sierra and introduce her to Darcy.  

Once we figured that out, Sierra mentioned that it was late and she was working an early Saturday shift.

“Can I leave my stuff here?” she asked.  “I’d have a hard time explaining these dresses to my mom”

“Sure.”  I said.  “You can come over again tomorrow to get ready for your date.”

“Awesome” Sierra hugged me “Thank you for a wonderful evening” and she left.

I let Speckles out and waited for her to come back in.  After letting her back in I walked to my room, took off my new dress and crashed into my bed in just my underwear.  What an evening.  What a day.

I pulled out my phone.  I had a whole mass of notifications. I just remembered I essentially came out as trans over Instagram only a few hours ago.  I decided to ignore those and pulled up my texting app and texted Kathy.  “Thinking about you.  I miss you.  Please come home.”

I put my phone down.  I wonder.  I peeked into my panties.  I didn’t see anything.  I decided to take them off to inspect.

Where I expected to see my dick was a new pink vagina.

I let my fingers touch my new clit. Which felt like the same sensation as playing with the head of my old dick, but more sensitive.  

Was I ready for this?  “I’m diving into being Erin head first.”  I told myself.  Let’s do it.  I unclasped my bra and tossed it to the side.

I started rubbing my clit.  It felt good.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and started to relax. 

I let my finger drift down to my new vagina.  The folds were just as sensitive.  I let my finger slide up and down my new opening.  I could feel a stirring inside of me.  I let my finger sink in.  I was already wet.  Nice, warm and sticky.  

I was curious.  I licked my finger.  I wanted to know what I tasted like.  Warm and salty.  This actually made me more turned on.  I could feel myself getting wetter.

I continued sliding my wet finger along my folds.  I was moving faster,  Every now and then I’d slow down and focus on my clit.  My slick fingers on my nub felt amazing.  

Yet I yearned for more.

I grabbed one of my breasts with my free hand and started playing with my nipple.

I sunk my finger further into my vagina and felt around.  I let it go in and out trying to find the right placement and motion.  I quickly found the right spots and continued fingering myself.

I could feel a buildup within me.  I started squirming as the pressure was building.  My breathing increased and I could hear moans leave my mouth.  My cute moans.  I was turning myself on.

My hips started moving on their own.  Trying to get my finger to go deeper.  My eyes were wide open.  I watched my boobs bounce on their own.  I’m so hot.  

I let another finger go inside me.  My new pussy was so tight.  It felt great having my fingers inside me.  I fingered faster and faster.   My thumb was playing with my clit. Yes.  Yes. 

As I reached orgasm I moaned, I felt my muscles squeeze down on my fingers.  Yes!

I rolled over panting.  I can get used to that.