Chapter 24 - My Door is Open

Tyler

I was putting the finishing touches on my costume armor. It was made of foam, painted acrylic purple with gold trim. 

Once I was done adding the last of the embellishments, I stood back and looked at my work. I’m done with the chest plate, the shoulder pads, the utility belts and sword. All that’s missing was what I was wearing under it. I needed a skirt and some tights.

I wonder what Nicole’s up to right now. She should be home from dinner by now.

I picked up my phone and called her.

“Hey Ty” she said as she answered.

“How was your evening?” I asked.

She sighed on the other end of the phone. “Lots of drama. We’re OK though.” The tone of her voice was very distraught.

“Do you want me to come over?” I offered.

“Not tonight. Me and Lexi are having a roommate's bonding night.”

“What happened?” I asked, curious of what would distress Nikki like this.

“Lexi’s boyfriend - now ex-boyfriend turned out to be a total prick. He was... harassing me.”

I suddenly got defensive. “Oh my God, are you OK? Is there anything I can do?”

“I’m OK now.” she said. “I pushed him off me, and Victor wound up decking him before he could try something again.”

“Victor?” I asked. Here’s that name again.

“Yeah” she said. “The friend I introduced you to earlier in the semester. Apparently he and Brandon have some history with each other too,”

“I’m glad you’re OK.” I said. “Well, say hi to Lexi for me.”

“Will do.” she said. “Goodnight!”

“Goodnight,” I responded as I hung up the phone.

I was angry about how Lexi’s ex-boyfriend treated my girlfriend. I hated guys like that. It made me embarrassed to be a guy myself. Meanwhile, this Victor keeps popping up in conversations. I originally dismissed it as Madison feeding me doubt. Now I feel that I need to see more of this Victor.

* * *

Nicole

My head was spinning at everything that had happened this evening. The fight with Brandon, the time spent with Madison. Of course, the wine made me feel like it was the room that was spinning. The wine-induced buzz aside, I actually felt great. Talking about my dysphoria with Madison took a huge weight off of my shoulders. I think tomorrow, I'll talk to Vicky and Lexi to get them to call me Nicole again.

I had just laid down into bed when my phone buzzed. I looked to see who it was. It was Kayla. I answered it. “Hello?”

“Nick?” she said. 

I’m going to have to come out to Kayla too soon. Not now. That’s not a conversation I want to have over the phone. “Yeah, hi Kayla.” I replied.

“I was wondering if you could drive me home.” she said. “I’m stuck at this party and my friends ditched me.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, sitting up in bed. “Where are you at?”

“Calvert Run Apartments” she said.

“That’s right next door, '' I said. “I can go walk over there and get you.”

“Thank you, Nick,” she said. “I really appreciate this.”

I got out of bed and put a t-shirt and jeans back on. I grabbed a fleece pull-over and walked out the door, out of my apartment complex and to the next complex. I could hear music coming from one of the apartments, and I saw Kayla standing on a second floor balcony. 

Kayla waved at me, and turned and walked back inside. A minute later she came out of the building.

“Thank you so much.” she said.

She was looking good. Strapless little black dress and heals. Her makeup really accentuated her eyes and lips. I’m used to seeing her prepped for class, and when I lived with her, I never saw her dressed to the nines. “You look hot” I said, forgetting my train of thought. “I mean, you’re welcome.”

I saw a smile form on her face at the compliment. “I think my friend who invited me here is hooking up with a guy. So I was all alone.”

“That sucks.” I said. “My friends all have a code that we don’t leave each other behind.”

“Your friends sound like cool guys,” she said.

“Yeah.” I said, not wanting to correct her. “My place is this way.”

As we started walking, Kayla held onto my arm.

“How much did you have to drink?”

“Just a few drinks.” she said. “I’m a light-weight.”

“Well in fairness” I said. “I’ve been drinking too. I had a half bottle of wine earlier.”

“Oh.” she said. “I should’ve hung out with you this evening instead of my other friend.”

I chuckled. I’m not sure how that would’ve gone down if I spent the evening with Kayla instead of pummeling Brandon and having a heart to heart with Mads.

“Which one is your apartment?” she asked.

“Third one from the right,” I said pointing. I looked at her and we made eye contact. “Did you want to see it? I can get you a bottle of water. Or coffee to warm you up”

“Yeah” she said. “That would be nice. Water would be fine.”

What am I doing? I agreed to take her home, not invite her in.

We walked up to my apartment door and I let her in. 

She rubbed her bare arms. “It’s nice and warm in here. This dress was not meant for cool nights.”

I wanted to suggest some cute wraps she could've worn with that dress, but decided against it. I went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water for her.

She was looking at the empty bottle of wine I hadn’t gotten around to throwing away yet. “What was the occasion?” she asked. “Celebrating being single again?”

“Well that and I was making up with one of the friends I was fighting with that I told you about” I replied. I handed her the bottle of water.

“Did it work?” she said, opening, then chugging the water.

“I think it did” 

She put the water down and held my hand. “You are such a great friend. I’m glad you were able to put all of that behind you.”

Our eyes met again, and a warm feeling spread through me. Drinking wine and flirting with Madison left me a little frustrated.

I found myself moving closer to her. I was drawn to the hungry look in her eyes. I had built up a resistance to Stephanie based mostly on the fact I really didn't gel with her - except for making out with her. But Kayla. I knew her. My original dislike of her had evaporated during the time I’ve been pretending to be Nick. I actually liked her as a friend now. And I’m attracted to her. I knew this was a bad idea. Hooking up with my former roommate. Taboo. And it was totally exciting.

The moment our lips met, she wrapped her arms around me. The dam had broken and we were all over each other. 

I was well aware of the sexual tension between us the past two months. As we were there making out in my kitchen, I was amazed we had kept each other in the friend zone for so long. Maybe deep down I strung Stephanie along to keep Kayla at bay. 

We caught our breath for a moment. She had a huge grin on her face as she resumed nibbling on my lip.

She pushed me into the nearest wall. I could feel her lean her weight up against me. That’s likely when she noticed my swollen dick tenting my jeans. I could feel her body pressing down on it. Her hand went down and rubbed it through the jeans. I let out an involuntary gasp. 

OK, Nicole. You’re stronger than this. Stop this. You made a promise. To be faithful to Tyler. To Vicky. To Madison.

Was Kayla reading my thoughts? My hesitation? Because she stopped, took a step back Oh, maybe she realizes this is a mistake too. Then she looked at me, and unzipped the back of her dress. The dress cascaded to the floor leaving Kayla in just panties.

My eyes bulged out. I was speechless. How many times had Kayla changed in front of me previously? I don’t remember, but I gave her space then. I wasn’t attracted to her then. I’m attracted to her now. Her aggression is a turn on.

She removed my fleece and lifted my t-shirt over my head and I offered no resistance. Did I even want to resist at this point?

We resumed making out. My hands caressed her bare back and then rubbed her ass through her thin panties. 

I felt her hand go to my jeans; the zipper go down; the button unclasp; her hands at my waist, pushing my jeans down to my knees.

Now her hand was at my dick again, only my thin boxer shorts were in the way. They provided zero resistance as they quickly followed my jeans down my legs.

I stepped out of my jeans and underwear.

My dick was at full mast. This is the first time I’ve been naked around someone else since being in a male’s body. I suddenly turned red and became paralyzed. Seeing my naked midsection brought the dysphoria back.

Kayla didn’t notice and started grinding up on that foreign extremity. It felt good, but it felt wrong. I tried tuning those thoughts out. For both of our sakes. I was certainly horny and curious about sex as a man, but wasn’t happy about the focus being my dick.

“Are you OK?” Kayla asked. 

I guess she noticed.

“I uh…” what do I say? She’s standing here topless, now isn’t really the time to tell her I’m a girl. “I’m sensitive about my body image.” It’s the truth. Maybe this will slow things down.

She reached over and turned the light off, and resumed kissing me. 

Problem solved right? Well I needed to make a decision right there. Do I commit to having sex with my former roommate? Do I stop it now, keeping us both frustrated? I both want her to stop and keep going.

OK, If I’m going to do this, I'll try to enjoy it. I took her hand and took her to my bedroom. 

She took the hint and laid down on my bed. “Do you have a condom?” she asked.

Oh no. Do I? Yes. I saw a box of condoms in a drawer underneath stuff. I fumbled around in the dark bedroom feeling around for the condoms. I found the box. I ripped off a condom and opened the wrapper.

How do I use one of these? It put the condom on the tip of my dick and tried to roll it down. I heard it’s supposed to roll down easily. It didn’t. It must be backwards. I flipped the condom and tried again, the time it rolled down my dick with ease.

I joined Kayla on the bed, straddling her. She has already removed her panties. I leaned down to kiss her. I’ve been a “top” with Tyler before, but that’s different from now. Do I just put it in?

Before I made the decision, Kayla grabbed my dick and started rubbing her slit with the tip. Oh wow that felt good.

After a minute of that, she positioned it right at the opening of her vagina. I gently thrust my hips forward as I felt my dick squeeze into her. 

Oh. I get it now. This is far better than my hand or a sock. It was warm inside. As I pulled out, I could feel the sensitivity in the head of my dick, and I thrusted again. That felt good.

I did it again. And again. This was great. But was she enjoying herself?

Kayla was breathing heavily with soft moans. 

Speaking off, this was so much better than masturbating .. oh no - I’m cumming. Too soon!

I could feel myself ejaculate into the condom. I pulled out and rolled over.

“Wow” I said. “That was amazing”

Should we go another round? Kayla rolled over and put her arm around me and was caressing my abs. And that’s when I drifted to sleep.

* * *

I heard a knock at the door. I opened my eyes. It was morning. Kayla was sleeping beside me under the covers, presumably still naked. I rubbed my head. Holy Shit. I slept with Kayla. I cheated on Tyler. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Is this going to change my friendship with Kayla? What will Madison say?

Another knock on the door. I checked my clock. Who is knocking at my door at 9am? I got up from the bed and put my jeans on. Only one person I know gets up this early on a Saturday. I opened the door and standing right there was Tyler.

I did a double take. Tyler? Why is Tyler here?

“Hi Victor” they said.

“Tyler?” I said. “Why are you here? It’s early.”

“I’m sorry for coming so early. Sometimes I forget people sleep in on weekends.” they said. “I didn’t have your number. But I wanted to thank you for what you did last night. Standing up to that guy and standing up for Nicole.”

I certainly was standing up for Nicole - me. Just not the way he was thinking. “You’re welcome,” I said. This was awkward. I didn't confront Brandon because of Vicky. I did it because of what he did to me years ago.

Just then Kaya, fully clothed in last night’s dress. Walked past us and out the door.

That caught Tyler’s attention. “I think I know her.” they said.

“Kayla, wait.” I said as she started crossing the parking lot.

“Oh right.” Tyler said. “That’s Nicole’s former roommate.”

I needed to go chase after Kayla, but Tyler was here. “Was there anything else you needed Tyler?”

“So,” Tyler said. “We’re all going to a Halloween party on Wednesday. You should come.”

“I don’t do Halloween anymore.” I replied.

“You sound like Nicole, last year.” he chuckled.

“Is Nicole going this year?” I asked.

“She is” Tyler responded gleefully. “I’m making us matching costumes.”

Interesting. Vicky didn’t mention this to me. “I don't have anything to wear,” I replied.

“It was just a thought” Tyler added. “I realized that you haven’t really been included with the rest of the group. I thought maybe it was because I’m Nicole’s boyfriend, and you were avoiding me because it would be awkward. But if you’re Nicole’s friend, you should come around more”

That’s so sweet. Maybe on some subconscious level Tyler realizes that I’m missing from the group. “Thanks Tyler.” I said. “We’ll see. I need to go chase after Kayla now.”

Tyler smiled and started leaving as I chased after Kayla.

When I caught up to her I said, “Kayla wait.”

She looked at me with a look of worry on her face.

“Shouldn’t we talk about this?” I said.

“I’m so sorry” she said. “I made a mistake. We were both drunk. I shouldn’t have thrown myself at you like that.”

True, she did kinda throw herself at me. But I let her do it. “Well it takes two…”

“You cried during sex.” she said. “I feel awful.”

“I cried?” 

“Yes.” she said. “Was I that awful?”

“No!” I said. “It wasn’t you.” OK, time for yet another truth bomb. “It was me. I have gender dysphoria. I hate my body.”

She stopped in her tracks. “You… what?”

“It’s partially why I dumped Stephanie. It’s why I keep to myself.”

“Are you transgender?”

“I suppose,” I replied.

She then hugged me. “I’m even more sorry for doing that to you. You must hate me now.”

“I don’t hate you.” I said. “You’re forgiven, I still want to remain friends.”

“Me too.” she said. “I should go.”

“OK.” I said. “See you Tuesday?”

“Yeah” she replied.

I think I screwed this up. Let me add it to the list of things already going on in my life.

* * *

Tyler

Later in the afternoon I stopped by Nicole’s apartment to see how she was doing. 

She gave me a great big hug and a kiss. “I missed you”

“I missed you too” I replied, smiling at my amazing girlfriend. “Is everything fine after last night?”

“Yes,” she said. “Spending the evening with Lexi really helped.”

“Great” I replied. 

“So what would you like to do today?” she asked. “Gaming? I heard a new level came out. Wanna go back to your place and try it out?”

“I thought you wanted me to teach you Illustrator.” I said.

“Oh right” she said. “Let me pack my sketch pad.”

“I was wondering if we could go shopping before hand?” I added.

“Oh, Sure.” she said. “I could use a few groceries.”

“I mean dress shopping.” I said timidly. I was looking down at my feet in embarrassment.

She took a few moments to respond, “Of course.” she said. “Is there anything in particular you need?”

“I need something to wear under the armor I made for Halloween.” I replied.

“Oh” she replied. “Of course.”

“We’ll need to get you some things too.” I added. “Unless you’ve got men’s clothes lying around.” I chuckled.

She laughed as well. “I guess I’ll need some clothes too.”

* * *

I drove us to the town center. Nicole led me to a store she said she’s shopped in before. We held hands as we walked from the car and into the store. I was excited, yet nervous. I always appreciated when I got opportunities to shop for feminine clothing. When I was younger I remember being so embarrassed. With the help of my family that embarrassment has been replaced by excitement. I still feel awkward though. Especially now that I’ve brought my girlfriend into the fold.

I skimmed a few of the clearance racks. I found a purple skirt. “This looks to be the right color.” I said to Nicole.

“I thought you wanted a dress.” she replied.

“Well, most of the top will be hidden by armor anyway.” I replied.

“We’re here for a dress, so we’re going to look for a dress.” she said smiling and searching the aisles and racks. 

“Well, we don’t have to,” I said. “I don’t want to really impose”

“Pfft. This is as much practice for you as for me,” she said. What did she mean by that? Is she practicing buying for me?

A minute later. “Here” she said, holding a plum dress by the hanger. It had a modest neckline and lace sleeves. She held it up to me and raised an eyebrow. “Um, I’m not sure what I’m doing, so you might want to try it on.”

Just then a store employee went over to Nicole. “That will look great on you, would you like to try that on?”

Nicole glanced at me to speak up. I turned red out of embarrassment instead.

“Yes.” Nicole answered the employee. “I’d love to.”

“The changing rooms are right over here.” the employee pointed.

“Thank you.” Nicole replied. Then she grabbed my hand and escorted me into the changing room.

I didn’t say anything. Instead she led me into the small room, handed me the dress and walked out of the room. “Let me know if you need anything. I’m right outside.”

“Thank you” I said.

I took off my-shirt and jeans. I didn’t tell Nicole but I was already wearing a pair of panties I kept around for cosplay purposes. I stepped into the dress and pulled it on. I couldn’t reach the zipper. I tried again, but it was stuck. I’m going to have to ask Nicole to zip this dress up.

“Nicole,” I whispered. “Can I get zipped up?”

“Sure” she said, coming into the changing room. I put my back to her as she zipped the dress up. “Turn around.” she said.

I did what she said and she looked me over.

“Where does your armor sit?

“Here on my shoulders” I said motioning to them. “I have a chest plate that covers the chest and abs.”

“You have a utility belt?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I also have some armor for my arms.”

“I think this dress works then.” she said. “The parts that are exposed look a lot like PurpleMage. Tights? Boots?”

“I’m reusing some black tights and black boots from a previous cosplay.” I replied.

“Perfect,” she said. 

I walked to the full length mirror, while keeping any eye out for anyone who might be upset with a guy in a dress.

I beamed with excitement seeing how the dress looked. “This is perfect.”

 “That was rather easy.” she added.

“That’s easy for you to say.” I replied. “You’re a girl, dress shopping.”

“Hmm” she said. “How have you done this previously? Past feminine cosplays. Dressing for Taylor?”

“My Mom and Aunt.” I replied.

“Cool.” she said. “I’ll let you get back into your boy clothes, then we can find me some boy clothes”

She left the changing room and closed the door for me.

* * *

Vicky

We returned back to Tyler’s place after an afternoon of clothes shopping. For me, shopping for men’s clothes was easy. The hardest part was figuring out this body’s size shirt and pants. I went with a white linen button down shirt, and a black vest. 

“Wanna see our costumes?” Tyler asked. 

“Sure.” I replied.

“Close your eyes.”

My eyes were closed for a minute as I could hear Tyler fumbling around his apartment.

“Open them.”

I opened my eyes and I saw Tyler standing in front of me wearing his armor.

“Wow” I said, inspecting his work. His armor was a shiny deep purple with gold trim. “It looks real. Is it heavy?”

“Nope.” they said. “It’s all foam. It’s just painted to look heavy. And yours is right here.” they motioned to the couch where I found similar armor, except in a dark forest green to match what my character in the video game looks like.

“Wow.” I said. I wondered how he got my measurements, but then I remembered that he’s made costumes for Nicole previously and despite the “body swap 15” that I put on, then lost, I bet this body hasn’t changed much.

“OK” I said. “It’s time for you to teach me how to use your graphics program to do my internship assignment.”

“Anything for you,” they said, smiling.

“Do it for me?”

Ha laughed, “Except that.”

He escorted me to his room where his computer was. I had the sketches I drew during the week with Nicole in my bag. Tyler then proceeded to give me a crash course in Illustrator. After a few hours I started to render my own sketches digitally. Hours went by. Tyler brought me dinner and snacks while I worked. The sun set. This was kinda fun. I was getting into a groove.

* * *

When I finally got tired, it was dark outside. Actually, it’s been dark for a while, but I lost track of the time. I looked at the clock. 1 AM!

The room was only illuminated by the light of the computer monitor. Tyler was asleep in his bed. God I wish I could just crawl in there with him.

I saved my work, and went out to the living room to collect my stuff. All of the lights were off in the living room too. I needed light to find my purse and shopping bags. I knew there was a lamp on the end table. I moved my hands and felt around for it, found it and clicked it on.

I found my bags on the couch, and put my shoes on.

As I was about to get up and turn the light back off, a yawning Josh came out of his room stretching.

“Josh,” I said. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“Nicole,” he said with a yawn. “How are you doing?”

“Tired,” I said. “I’ve been looking at a computer screen all evening and all night.”

“Big project?” he said.

“Yeah. I’m making logos for a marketing project for my internship” I replied.

“Oh? Did you say logos for marketing?” he said with a smile. “You know who could use some logos?”

“Your campaign?” I guessed with a clever smile.

“Only if you have time,” he added.

“This was fun,” I said. “We’ll see if I have more time like this”

“Nicole, We hadn't really gotten a chance to talk this semester,” he said. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing great,” I said. “It feels like I have a new lease on life.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” he said. “I’ll let you go. I know it’s late. Goodnight, Nicole”

“Good night, Josh” I said as I left his and Tyler’s apartment.

* * *

Nicole

As I was returning home from grabbing dinner Sunday, I couldn’t focus. I was feeling guilty. More guilty than normal. I had broken Vicky’s and my “no sex” pact. I should tell her.

But if I tell her, she’s most certainly going to sleep with my boyfriend. Is Tyler even my boyfriend anymore? Is that even my life anymore? It’s been two months. 

If I don’t tell her, she’ll get angry. She got angry when I didn’t tell her about Hanna’s finding out about us.

As I put the key in the door, my neighbor Dave saw me. “Yo Victor, what’s up?”

“Hi Dave.” I said. I wasn’t in the mood to chit chat. Too much on my mind.

“Hey - I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Steph. I didn’t know you were gay. That was my bad.”

I nodded and smiled. I guess Stephanie told her friends what went down between us.

“If you want,” he said, walking over to me and lowering the volume of his voice. “I know a guy on the football team with me who is gay and single. But naturally he isn’t out yet because he’s afraid of getting his ass kicked in the locker room. So any dating would be on the down-low. If you’re OK with such an arrangement, I could set you up. He’s a really cool guy.”

I blinked at Dave. “Um. Dave, I appreciate you trying to hook me up, but I need a little time to myself before I dive into another relationship.”

“Sure,” he said. “I get it. Just let me know, I’ll hook you up! I got your back, bro.” He walked back to his apartment and I walked into mine.

Dave’s brief distraction only distracted my thoughts of Kayla, Vicky, and Tyler for a few moments. Now I was back to obsessing over the problems in front of me again .

Thinking about my insurmountable problems kept bringing out episodes of anxiety attacks, but I found a new source of focus. Brandon.

As I did my breathing exercises, I imagined Brandon as the target of my fists or feet. It goes against everything my martial arts instructor taught us. But it felt good.

A voice in the back of my head kept telling me to get a grip. Take back control over my life again. I needed to decide if I was the hero or villain in my own story.