Chapter 5 - The Cleric, Bard, and Dungeon Master

During the ride to the D&D party, Mack coached Lance on how to change his voice to sound more feminine. 

When they arrived, Mack paused on the porch of the home, and checked Lance one more time to make sure “Simone” looked just right. 

“So, we’re going to this D&D game because Mack’s friends are cool and chill about cosplaying boys as girls,” Zoey explained. “But please don’t bring up the bet.”

Mack smiled at the rare compliment. “Yeah,” Mack interrupted, “none of the people here tonight know about your all’s bet. All they know is you’re exploring your gender.” 

“So don’t mention it to anyone,” Zoey added. “Especially at school. The less said about it the better.” 

With that, Mack rang the doorbell.

Lance nodded his understanding as they waited in silence for someone to answer the door.

After a minute the door creaked open just far enough for a guy’s head to stick out. When he spotted the trio he said in a medieval tone, “Hale be thou! So a band of fetching female rogues has found thine way to mine own realm of wonders, mysteries, the gateway to foreign lands, and adventures yet to be told. Quick - come in and let us make haste in our journey.” He opened the door to let them in.

Zoey shook her head and scowled. “Sorry, Mack, I can’t do this. I’m outta here.”

As she turned to walk away, Mack grabbed her and held her in place.”You’ll have to excuse Howard, he can be a bit eccentric at times - but that's one of the qualities of a good DM,” Mack said as she led the way inside.

“Thine own words of praise are well received, milady,” Howard boasted. “But do not think that such flattery will persuade the dice, nor I, to work in thine favor.” 

Howard led everyone into a living room of sorts filled with various figures and posters of shows some might consider ‘nerdy’. 

Lance stood there embarrassed he was meeting strangers while dressed in… well, a dress.

Mack pulled Howard aside and whispered, “Did you get my message?”

“Aye,” he whispered back. “Operation Phoenix Rising. I’ve already created her character.”

Howard turned to Lance. “Thou must be Lady Mackenzie’s fair companion, Lady Simone.” He took Lance’s hand and gave it a quick kiss. “Word of thy arduous journey and legendary beauty hast preceded thine arrival. We humbly welcome such angelic beauty into our realm,” he said with a slight bow.

Lance blushed at the over-the-top greeting and gesture. A guy just kissed his hand. He’d never been treated this warmly by a peer. 

Howard noticed Lance’s hesitation. “Not to worry, fair maiden, you are safe here in my kingdom. All thou needst fear is the dice.” He reached behind Lance's ear and pulled out a 10-sided die and twirled it on his fingers in front of Lance.

Mack nudged Lance to acknowledge the DM.

“Pleased to meet you,” Lance timidly said in his new Simone voice.

The DM then turned to Zoey. “And thee, young lass, must be… the shrew.”

Zoey turned red in anger. Mack tried not to laugh, and Lance just watched the drama unfold.

Seated at a table were a boy and a girl already in spirited conversation with each other about the possibility of time travel. They failed to notice the three girls as they entered the room.

“Hey, Erik, Francine,” Mack announced, “these are my friends Zoey and Simone. Zoey, Simone, this is Erik and Francine.”

“As much as I would encourage thee to enjoy the pleasantries of some nice conversation to get to know each other; thy adventure awaits, so please take your seats.” The DM interrupted the introductions, so they took the remaining seats, leaving the one at the head of the table for him.

“Zoey and Simone,” the DM announced, “normally thy would be entrusted to design thine own characters; however, at the behest of Lady Mackenzie, I have already prepared thy characters for you. This way we can head into our game without delay, and work on getting thee hooked. Then next time you may design your own characters.” He passed both Zoey and Lance some papers that were pre-filled character sheets. 

Zoey whispered to Mack, “Does he always talk like this?”

“Yeah, just roll with it,” Mack whispered back.

Zoey looked back at her sister and groaned, “Was that a dice joke?”

Mack said nothing and smiled.

After a quick glance over the character sheet, Lance learned that he was to be Miriel, a female human cleric worshiping the god Pelor. That seemed safe enough, he thought.

“What? A Bard?” Zoey complained from the other side of the table. “Why do I have to play some pansy in tights, prancing around playing music?”

The DM replied with a stern voice, “Lady Zoey, I will have you know that Bards are quite powerful and versatile companions of a group. They can provide a bit of healing after a fight, and get bonuses on pretty much any ability. A jack-of-all-trades if you will. Also, mine own tolerance for such foul language within mine own realm is miniscule at best. This is a peaceful place of jolly cooperation in Monsterbuttwhooping.” Howard spread his arms wide to emphasize peace and harmony.

Zoey shrugged. “Fine, sorry I overreacted, it's just a game after all.”

“As much as I taketh offense with thy ‘just a game’ notion, 'tis pleasing to see yond ye art coming 'round. Let us beginneth then, shall we?” The DM said. “Our tale originates as so many do - inside a humble tavern where the somber mood of these dark times is lightened by a warm fire, music, and the finest ale. Standing out from most commoners in this tavern by both their demeanor and their clothing, we have:” He motioned to Zoey. “The Bard playing his lute to the amusement of the patrons.” He motions to Francine. “A shady figure standing in the shadows of the stairwell.” Then Erik. “A man in long robes that looks more studious than the common folk.” Then Lance. “Miriel, a woman of clerisy discernible by her mace and wardrobe marked with the signets of Pelor.” Finally Mack. “And a larger than average person, hulking with muscle, a huge greatsword strapped to their back. Now, how this story will unfold shall remain hidden, and known only to the gods themselves.” When the DM finished his introductions, he had a look of anticipation on his face.

To Lance’s surprise Mack spoke up, “I will join the cleric of Pelor at her table.”

The DM narrated, “Miriel finds her thoughts of worship interrupted, as a huge figure sits down opposite her.” 

Mack’s offer caused Lance to look at her in surprise. She was playing that huge character, yet in real life she is this petite girl. Her smirk exuded so much confidence.

“Hello there, fair maiden,” Mack said, facing Lance. “I have noticed the markings of Pelor on you, so I assume you to be a cleric in his name. I myself am Bryn, a Berserker, looking for adventure. And since the nature of adventure can come with the occasional cut and bruise I would love for someone of your profession to join me and tend to my needs.”

Lance wasn’t quite sure how to respond. 

“Introduce yourself,” Mack whispered. Her smile was warm and encouraging.

“Yes.” Lance said, looking down at his character sheet.  Partly to recite his character’s description, partly out of a lack of confidence.  “I am Miriel.  I’m a simple cleric.  Praise Pelor.” He looked back up at the party and saw them respond with smiles..  “Uh, I... I mean I am a stranger to adventure. I hope to not let you down.” He was slightly flustered and wondering if he had to talk like Howard and Mack. 

“No reason to be timid little flower, for now let us have a drink to commemorate our joining of forces. Surely adventure will find us soon enough and by the grace of the gods even strengthen our alliances,” Mack declared.

“Both Bryn and Miriel receive tankards of ale from the barmaid,” the DM narrated. “Bryn downs her tankard without pause, and requests another, whilst the timid Miriel takes only the occasional sipeth as they continue their conversation.” 

Zoey, apparently not one to remain outside of the spotlight, spoke up, “And what am I doing?”

“Thou sits alone, Bard, and plays thy lute for none but thineself. I’m sure there are others present in such a humble tavern who would gladly rejoice in thee songs. Should thy wish to join Bryn and Miriel, thou may do so.”

The players at the table looked at Zoey for her response.

“I pause my playing and take my lute over to Mack and Simone,” Zoey announced.

The DM gave Zoey an annoyed look. “Search about thyself, Bard. Patrons named Mack and Simone surely do not reside in this tavern. Please, repeateth thyself.”

Zoey sighed, close to losing it. “I pause my playing while I stroll over to where Bryn and Miriel are sitting. Then I begin to play my music again.” Zoey sticks her tongue out at the DM when he isn’t looking.

The DM resumed, “As they taketh a second round of drinks from the serving wench, Miriel and Bryn notice that the music has stopped, shortly followed by a flamboyant entertainer standing adjacent to their table.”

Mack giggled at Zoey’s frustration. “Oh, have you come to sing to just us Bard, or are you looking for more tales of adventure to work into your songs?”

Zoey swallowed her pride and reminded herself why she was here. She had to get Lance comfortable being a girl. She decided her Bard should flirt with Lance’s cleric.

“Um, no. I only wish to serenade this…” she looked directly at Lance, “uh, beautiful maiden with my music.”

Lance began to blush again and looked around to see if anyone was laughing at him. Nobody was and instead were smiling at him. Mack looked at him, encouraging him to interact.

“Oh, kind musician, you flatter me with your praise.” Lance said. It may have been only a game, but the blush in his cheeks was real. “Please continue thy heavenly notes.”

Zoey gave the DM an annoyed look, “Do we have to keep doing this whole tavern crap? When do we get to the fun stuff?”

“I will pretend that i did not hear such foul language from a bard’s mouth, but i will inform you that an adventure entails the thrill and glory of battle that you seem to seek, as well as other challenges to overcome with your wit and skill, in addition to a bit of social play to give it proper pacing.”

“Uhhh, fine.” Zoey said while studying her character sheet, before facing Mack with a smile. “Oh, I would love to hear your tales of glory, maybe over a little game of cards - if you aren't too scared that I will take all of your… coins.”

“Why, you are being quite boastful for such a small one, I will gladly take your challenge,” Mack replied, not backing down.

“OK, roll the dice to see who gets the better hand.” The DM replied.

Mack rolled a 15, seemingly happy with her result.

Then Zoey said, “I attempt to cheat to win.” 

Mack and the DM shared a surprised glance at each other that Zoey had actually read her character sheet.

Zoey rolled a 13.

“And because of the bard's proficiency with sleight of hand, he manages to deftly swap one card for another, giving him a winning hand. Bard you may add 5 silver pieces to your coin satchel, Bryn you will have to remove five pieces from yours.”

Mack was about to respond to the bard but the DM continued without hesitation. “While you are exchanging the coinage of your wager someone throws open the tavern door and the herald of the king enters, shouting, ‘Hear, hear! The king has received notice of a powerful necromancer that has made his home to the north of our beautiful country, and is rumored to have brought a collection of repugnant undead creatures with him. The king requests that everyone who thinks themselves worthy and powerful enough to take down this necromancer and his undead troops shall stand together and bring peace to his highness's lands.’"

Mack turned to Lance and said “Miriel, it would seem that adventure has found us.”

* * *

Over the next two hours, everyone was fully immersed in the game. Lance was gaining more confidence at being Miriel and by extension Simone. There was a moment in the game when Zoey’s and Francine’s characters were fighting over Miriel. Being fought over gave Lance weird feelings. Ultimately Francine won that exchange, and Lance found Francine smiling and winking at him throughout the night. Lance found himself enjoying the attention and smiled back. He also noticed occasionally that Zoey would have a look of jealousy on her face.

Meanwhile, Zoey was actually getting into her character. On one occasion, with the party backed into a corner by a pack of rabid wolves, Zoey’s Bard saved the day with a perfect roll. She got up from her chair and celebrated as if she just won a world championship. The rest of the table giggled and the DM simply rolled his eyes, just happy Zoey was finally cooperating.

Finally the group was nearing the end of the quest. The DM leaned over the table looking at each one of them in turn.

“You have all been brave and accomplished a great deal,” the DM stated, “but this current enemy might be too much for you. For none of you could have known that the necromancer has against all sanity and possibility managed to keep a Bodak entrapped for studies, which you now have freed. You have fought valiantly, but even though you all have managed to put considerable damage to it, most of your group has suffered dearly from its death gaze and aura of annihilation. Some may even be content to keep their eyes averted, so as to not fall prey to its death gaze, and become Bodaks themselves when they die to it.” He zeroed in on Lance. “So what does Miriel do? Will she try to flee by herself, try to lead her companions to the exit, or will she face certain insanity due to the psychic damage of the death gaze?”

It all came down to Miriel, Lance thought. She had tried to heal her friends through the entire fight, but this time the damage was just too great. Miriel had used up almost all of her spells, but she just had to keep trying. She didn't want to leave even one of the others behind.

Lance stood up at the table, “Miriel takes her left hand to the sign of Pelor she wears as a pendant on her necklace, and while raising her right hand chants a prayer to her patron god of the sun. Her right hand begins to shine bright with the sun’s glow. Trusting that the Bodak will avert it´s gaze from the bright sunlight she makes her charge to the Bodak and puts the palm of her right hand to its chest letting the divine power of Pelor flow into it and casts cure wounds.”

“But cure wounds don’t affect the undead-,” Erik started to complain.

“I'll allow it.” the DM stated. “For one, Pelor is the god of the sun and all undead are weakened by the sun. Also, I like that Lady Miriel is coming out of her shell at such a crucial moment. So, go on m’lady - roll for damage. Let us see if thy action was ingenious or foolish.”

Lance shook the dice in his hand. “This is it,” he thought. “The lives of our group are riding on this throw.” He had cast the dice dozens of times this evening already but this time the pressure was much more intense. He let go, the dice rolling in seemingly slow motion across the table, passing in between the figurines representing their characters, and finally coming to a stop at a 4. So, with the spell’s rules Miriel had dealt 8 points of damage. They all looked at the DM to see his verdict and saw him frown.

“Sadly, Lady Miriel, thy hast came up 2 points short. With the light fading the Bodak returns its gaze towards thee, so roll for your constitution save…”

“Wait,” Zoey interjected excitedly, sounding like a player with years of role playing experience, “Miriel still possesses the bardic inspiration die I gave her earlier. She is allowed to use it even after casting the initial dice, and with magical inspiration she can use it to boost the power of her spell.”

The DM raised his eyebrow and smirked in surprise.

“Way to save the day string plucker!“ Mack laughed at Zoey, to which Zoey just stuck her tongue out.

Since the DM seemed to not oppose Zoey’s argument, Lance picked up the additional die, cast it, and they all watched it come to a stop at 3. The margin of victory was close, but they had triumphed!

The DM stood up with a happy smile on his face. “Apparently the Bodak underestimated our bard-empowered cleric. The remaining color drains from its frame before it crumbles down to the floor dissolving into dust.” 

“With this room cleared you can take a well deserved rest and can next time search among the necromancer’s laboratory equipment to see if there is anything useful or desirable, I know those things aren't always the same.” The DM said. “I hope you all had a fun night, and hopefully the enchanting maidens Zoey and Simone will join us again next time when our adventurers will endeavor to chase down the necromancer.”

As they said their good-byes, Erik and Francine came over to Lance.  “Simone, it was very nice meeting you,” Erik said.

“You were shy at first, but I’m so glad you opened up,” Francine added.

“It was fun,” Lance agreed.  “Maybe I’ll do it again.”

“Hey - in a few weekends, the Renaissance Faire is opening.  You should totally come with us.”

Lance didn’t know what to say.  He’d never been invited to things like that before.  “Yeah, I guess.” He then looked at Zoey.  “I guess it depends on what I have going on.”

“Well, pencil it in, girl.” Francine said enthusiastically.

Lance watched as Erik and Francine left the party and smiled at being included for once.

* * *

After dropping Mack off, Zoey parked in front of Lance’s house.

“I hate to admit it, but I actually had fun,” Zoey beamed. “And don’t you dare tell anyone!” 

“Yeah,” Lance agreed, “when you lulled the sirens to sleep with your songs so we could escape - that was pretty cool.”

“It was a rush,” Zoey said with a much more relaxed tone. “I actually enjoyed not having any real life responsibilities for a few hours. I was just there helping you all do your thing.”

“Are you always the one taking charge?”

“If I don’t, nothing will get done.”

“Now as for me, it was nice to be included for once. For some reason I was the center of attention - though I think Mack and Howard planned it that way.”

“I could see you really enjoyed it. For a little while tonight, I forgot that you weren’t Simone - or Miriel.”

“Hmmm,” Lance chuckled, “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment- Wait, um, where are my clothes?" Lance began frantically looking around inside the car.

“Oops! I think they’re still at my house,” Zoey said. “I forgot to have Mack bring them out to you.”

“Zoey, I can’t go into my house like this!”

“Why not?” Zoey giggled. “You know, you actually look cute in that getup.”

“No, I don’t,” he said, blushing, “and I’m sure my father wouldn’t think so, either.” 

Zoey didn’t know what came over her, but she placed her hand on his exposed knee. 

Lance flinched. As this was the first time a pretty girl had ever touched him, it sent all sorts of feelings through his body - including down there. Lance started to panic. He didn’t want Zoey to see what was happening under the dress. He tried bunching up the front to cover his stiffening member. When he couldn’t wait another moment he released the dress, opened the car door, and bolted - much to Zoey’s surprise.

He ran from the car to his front door and entered his house, forgetting he was still wearing a dress and a wig.

“Lance, are you home?” Dad called from the kitchen. “Did you have a good time? Make any friends?”

“Shit!” he cursed under his breath. “Hi, Dad,” he said, forgetting to speak in his normal voice and then rushing to his bedroom before being seen. 

“Lance?”

Lance cleared his throat, and spoke normally. “It was great. Talk to you in the morning!”

Lance reached his room and shut the door. His heart was racing. But he had a rare smile on his face.

Just then the phone laying on one of the bins rang. The caller ID said it was from home. He answered it before his dad could.

He cleared his throat, making sure he was using his normal voice. “Hello?”

“Hey, Lance, how’s it goin’?” his sister Simone asked.

“Oh, hi, Simone. OK, I guess. I’m still getting settled in.”

“How’s Jersey? The smog, factories, and the mafia?”

“Well, we’re actually in the suburbs. Much more smog in L.A. I haven’t seen any signs of the mafia yet.”

“Oh, cool. So, how is the new school?”

Like with Mom, he wanted to avoid talking about not actually going to school. “Um, the cafeteria dishwasher exploded today.”

Simone giggled. “Wow, sounds exciting. Mom told me you were having some anxiety about making new friends.”

“Well, after I talked to her I met this one girl today.” He embellished his run-in with Zoey. “She seemed interested in me. She took me to a D&D game.” 

“Oh my God, Lance, that’s so awesome. I’m so glad you met someone and got out of the house. Just take it slow and get to know her. Remember, she was probably nervous meeting you too. Well, I gotta go. My friends and I are going to the mall to look at prom dresses. Hey - you never know - maybe you’ll go to prom too!”

Lance nervously chuckled at the irony of what she said. Then he was silent for a moment. He was accustomed to telling his twin sister everything. But he just couldn’t bring himself to divulge Zoey’s plan. It was too embarrassing. What would she think about her brother in a dress? Maybe he would tell her about it later. “OK, Simone, thanks for calling. I miss you and Mom. Bye.”

Later that night, as Lance lay in bed, he thought about his experience with Zoey and her friends. “That wasn’t so bad,” he admitted out loud. After a nervous start, he had settled into the dual roles of Simone and Miriel with increasing confidence as the evening went on. “It was just some fun in a costume - like a Halloween party. And I shouldn’t have run off like that. Maybe Zoey is actually interested in me.”

Lance wondered when he would have to play Simone again. Next time it would be in public. Next time the stakes would undoubtedly be much higher. Getting caught meant deep trouble. Could he really continue to do this? Should he?