Chapter 34

Kaylee and I held hands on the way back to my apartment, as we talked about the events of this afternoon. It brought me back to the last time I was Morgan. Amazingly, that was less than a week ago. So much has happened since then.

I held the door open for her and followed her in.

Not two seconds later, Jasmine was greeting us and hugging Kaylee. “Thank you. Thank you.” 

“I’m Kaylee,” she giggled.

“Oh,” Jasmine let go and looked at me.

“I’m D,” I clarified. 

“Sorry.” She then gave me a hug. “Thank you, D.”

“It was nothing,” I replied modestly.

“So, it went well?” Jasmine asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Aiden and Ella reset, but want to be each other long term.”

“Wow, who would’ve thought,” Jasmine chuckled. “We should celebrate! Can I get you two anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Kaylee replied.

“Morgan?”

I looked at Jasmine and quietly nodded my head towards the bedroom. “It’s been a long weekend.”

“Oh, of course,” Jasmine said, smiling at us, winking at me.

I led Kaylee to my bedroom and closed the door behind us.

Kaylee wasted no time, wrapping her arms around me and pressing her lips against mine.

I ran my fingers through her waves of strawberry blonde hair. The same hair I had styled this morning.

Our lips parted and she gave me a warm smile. 

I looked her up and down and contemplated her burgundy dress and black leggings. The same ones I put on this morning. So cute. So perfect. As I gazed into the green eyes that had been mine for the last four days, I felt a longing I couldn’t describe. 

That desire to be Kaylee slammed into me with full force. I didn’t want to make out with her. I wanted to be her. That desire conflicted with my desire to be intimate with my girlfriend. I did. But I wish I was Kaylee while doing it. It was then I realized that was exactly the same problem she had when I was Kaylee. This problem felt suffocating.

“Is everything OK?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I lied.

“If you’re not in the mood, it’s OK to tell me. I won’t be upset. I know it’s been a long weekend - and an even longer day.”

I nodded. “I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

I gave a guilty smile as she saw through my lie.

“Hey, why don’t I go back to my apartment? It’ll give you time and space to decompress.”

I wanted to say, “Don’t go,” but I just nodded glumly.

She gave me one more kiss, before smiling. “Call me tomorrow morning, okay Morgan?”

As I watched her leave my bedroom and heard the apartment door shut, I stood there worried. What was wrong with me? Why can’t I be intimate with my girlfriend? Why can’t I have nice things?

I staggered into the living room, my feet feeling like lead weights.

Jasmine was sitting on the couch, legs tucked up, reading a book. She glanced up at me, and a concerned look spread across her face. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” I lied again. 

She didn’t look any more fooled by my lies than Kaylee had. “You know, since we’re finally alone,” she said, patting the open area next to her on the couch, “what was it that you wanted to talk about?”

Did I want to have that conversation now? I sat down on the couch next to her.

She stuck a bookmark in her book, closed it, and set it aside.

“I don’t know where to start,” I said to my roommate.

“Well, start with this weekend,” Jasmine suggested. “How was it? You went to Kaylee’s parent’s house - as Kaylee.”

“It was a lot of fun, even though there were some rough moments.”

“There always are,” she chuckled.

“My dad was kinda homophobic at first.”

“But you won him over with your charm?”

“Kinda. Between me, K, and my twin sister; I think Dad finally saw the error of his ways.”

Jasmine chuckled.

“What?”

“You said all of that as if you’re Kaylee.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry. I forgot - I’m Morgan now.” I hadn’t forgotten. I felt a compulsion to be Kaylee even if I wasn't outwardly. As if I was doing it to spite the universe.

“Don’t be. It’s cute. OK. So you had a great weekend as Kaylee. You solved the Aiden and Ella thing. What else is on your mind?”

I looked down at my lap, then back up to her. “Jasmine, remember that night I swapped with you so you could be with Lauren?”

“I do,” she nodded.

“And you told me your secret.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Well, that got me thinking. A lot.”

Jasmine reached over and put her hand on mine. She looked at me warmly to let me know that this conversation was safe with her.

“I think I’m similar to you. What you told me about being Gabriel and then Jasmine resonated with me. I feel this disconnect from Daniel. When I look at him now, I see a different person. He feels like a stranger. Does that mean I’m trans?”

“I can’t answer whether or not you’re trans, D. How do you feel when you’re a girl?”

“It’s fun. I’ve enjoyed my time as Morgan and Sydney and as you. But I’ve also had fun as Gabriel and Antonio. Just not as fun.”

“I notice you didn’t mention Kaylee.”

Oh, God, was I that transparent?

“How do you feel when you’re her?”

How do I say this? This is so embarrassing.

“D?”

I could feel tears welling up. I looked at Jasmine who was waiting for an answer. I knew I could trust her. But I was having a hard time forming the words.

“It… it feels so right. It… feels like a puzzle piece that fits. For those four days, I looked in the mirror and loved myself. Each day was amazing and I would look forward to the next.”

“Well, that's how I feel as Jasmine,” she admitted. “That’s called euphoria. You’re not alone.”

“What should I do?”

“Well,” Jasmine advised, “she’s your girlfriend. You can hide those feelings, but I imagine at some point without communicating that to her, your jealousy might fester and you may come to resent her. I don’t know her well enough to predict how she’ll take it.”

“I’m afraid of how she’ll take it. It’s not every day you tell your girlfriend. ‘Hey, I want your body.’ That sounds creepy and I’m afraid to lose her.”

“Well, first of all, don’t say it like that. Second, she seems cool to the whole body swapping thing. She seems to fit in with the Guild. While you were out with Aiden and Ella, she hung out with us, and she seemed like a genuinely good person.”

“What if she gets upset with me? What if she leaves me? What if I never see her again?”

“What if you don’t tell her? What if you never get a chance to swap with her again?”

I felt my chest clench at the thought. “I-I don’t know what to do.”

“Whatever you decide, we’re here for you.”

“Thank you, Jasmine.” We leaned in to share a hug, then I got up and went to my room.

* * *

First thing in the morning, I received an email from Aiden and Ella. They were ready to swap. I told them I’d meet them at the Kappa Nu office in the Student Union at noon.

I still felt wary about revealing the stone as the source of the swapping power, but I had no way to swap them without revealing it. I explained my concern to Jasmine, but also explained that we hid it from them last time by A and I holding the stone in our hands without letting them see it.

She had a simple solution. “Do the same thing. I’ll go with you. Let’s me and you swap right before the meeting to prevent us from randomizing with them. That’s how it worked at Halloween right?”

“You don’t have to go,” I told her. “I can get someone else. Maybe Sydney is up. I imagine yesterday is still raw in your mind.”

“No. I need closure,” she stated flatly.

“You’re not going there to kick their asses are you?” I asked.

“No - but don’t tell Gabriel where we’re going.” She gave me a sly smile.

I was originally going to go to the Student Union by myself, but having her tag alone certainly makes it easier. 

We swapped. I was now Jasmine, and G was Morgan. 

Before we left the apartment, my phone buzzed with a text message from Lauren. 

“Lauren just messaged me,” I told Morgan.

“What did she say?”

“She has exciting news,” I replied. “She wants to see me… I mean you.”

“Well, she’s going to have to wait an hour,” Morgan giggled.

I texted her back to make plans with her this afternoon.

* * *

When we entered the Kappa Nu office, Aiden and Ella were waiting casually for us. Ella was wearing a school sweater and leggings, and her makeup was correctly done. Aiden was wearing a T-shirt and cargo pants. They were in mid-conversation, talking excitedly about something. They looked over at their visitors. 

“D?” Ella asked, looking back and forth between us.

“I’m D,” I said, raising my hand.

“You’re Jasmine again?” she asked with amazement.

She’s right. I couldn’t help but laugh at the symmetry of this swap. We were repeating the exact same conditions from Halloween. Minus the alcohol and costumes, of course.

“Yeah,” I explained, while rubbing my neck. “We tend to do this type of thing often.”

“Umm,” Ella asked, fidgeting with her hands. “Before we start. Who was Jasmine yesterday?”

“I was,” Morgan replied.

“Jasmine- or err… Morgan,” Ella said, looking at her.

“You may call me Morgan,” she said coolly.

“Morgan. I apologize about yesterday morning.”

“Do you know how terrified I was?” Morgan admonished.

“I know. I know. It's no excuse, but I’ve been put in that position by larger men before. And when I saw your face, I realized I had become that which I hated. I was frustrated. I was scared. I was angry. I let the power get to me. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”

“We’re going to put you in a male body again,” Morgan reminded her. “Can you handle that?”

“Yes. I’m sure,” she said sincerely. “I’ll be better.”

“This time it will be our choice,” Aiden added. “Part of the problem was that we were scared and didn’t know when or even if we’d ever go back. But now we are each going to accept the life we’re about to take control of.”

“You’re OK with being a sorority girl?” Morgan asked him.

“I’m kinda looking forward to it,” he replied, a flush of embarrassment spreading across his cheeks.

“Just remember,” I reminded them, “if this becomes too much for you, you can give one of us a call.”

They both nodded.

“Oh, D,” Ella suddenly recalled. “I talked to Lauren last night.”

“Oh?”

“She came out to me. Officially.”

Morgan smiled, hearing about her girlfriend, “She did?”

“And?” I asked.

“I told her I would support her. And that I apologize for my past behavior.”

“That’s awesome, Ella.” I responded. 

“It was important for me to tell you that. Even though I’m not going to be Ella anymore.”

“You can still work on yourself regardless of which body you’re in.”

Ella nodded.

“Well, are you both ready?” I asked.

“Let’s go!” Aiden said with enthusiasm.

“Just like last night. Hold hands for five seconds.” I inconspicuously pulled the rock out of my pocket and held Morgan’s hand with it, then held Ella’s hand with the other.

Five seconds went by. Since Morgan and I were still in our own cooldown period we felt nothing. I noticed AIden and Ella’s eyes glaze over for a second then refocus.

“We’re back!” Ella mumbled, groping her chest.

Aiden smacked her hands away. “Behave, and don’t make me regret this.”

“Sorry,” Ella said, grinning.

“Thank you,” Aiden said to us. “I’m sorry again, Morgan.”

“Remember, if you need anything, let me know,” I said.

We left the Kappa Nu office and started walking down the hall of the Student Union.

“So what do you think?” I asked Morgan. “Do you think we did the right thing?”

“Yes, we did the right thing,” she replied. “But, I give them a month. I think they may have rushed into this. We’ll see,” she chuckled. “Freaking Aiden. Kappa Nu President. President of the Greek Council. A trans woman? I don’t buy it.”

“Sometimes people can surprise you. I mean, who would’ve thought Gabriel ‘Turbo’ Ramirez was trans?”

“Touché” she said, playfully nudging me. Ten bucks he comes running back to us when he realizes there’s no lesbians in Delta Pi Theta.”

“What about Lauren?”

“Well she’s not single.”

“And Regina George?”

“Who?”

I chuckled. “Nevermind. Who says he’s not interested in men too? I mean, he did spend a month having sex with his original body.”

“I guess we’ll see. Come on, Jaz, let's get some lunch.”

* * *

“Calling to order this meeting of the Guild,” Antonio announced. 

I was back as Morgan, because G wanted to be back in Jasmine. I couldn’t blame her. I wanted to be back in Kaylee. I just haven’t had that conversation with her yet. 

Kaylee and I talked briefly on the phone and made plans to see each other after the meeting. I considered inviting her to the meeting, but I figured that would be against protocol.

Antonio let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. "First order of business... the Aiden–Ella situation has finally been resolved!"

The other members all cheered.

“Well, that's all for Old Business. Any New Business?”

Gabriel and Jasmine exchanged a quick glance. Jasmine nodded to Gabriel. Gabriel raised his hand.

“I…” Gabriel paused. He had never not seemed confident, but in this moment he looked vulnerable. “I am leaving the Guild.”

The room became deadly silent.

“Gabriel, that's a big…” Antonio was cut off.

“And so is G.”

Antonio's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “What?” Antonio asked, beginning to panic. “No, you can't... We never discussed... This isn't…”

“We both agreed to this,” Jasmine spoke, the tone of her voice leaving no room for doubt. “We know that things changed when S left with Robert's body. We aren't leaving school right away. Gabe still has a full semester left. I still have two years. But both of us prefer the body and the life that we have now, and we no longer want to swap.”

Antonio looked like he was deep in thought, trying to find the response he needed to fix the situation. “But we’ve barely discussed permanent swaps.”

“And we never came to a real conclusion,” Jasmine pointed out. “We were mostly upset at being blindsided by S. We were already butting heads with him constantly, then he - and R - surprised us with their private decision. But in hindsight…” She looked at Daniel. “It was likely the best thing for S.”

“And this is different too,” Daniel began. “When I gave S my body I didn't have a plan for myself. That's what caused all the turmoil. G and J have thought this through way more than I did. Clearly, I am biased towards letting Guild members have the body and life that they want, but it seems like this is something that should be voted on, and my vote makes it three in favor.”

“And what if this is allowed?” Sydney questioned. “With such a reduction in members you might be stuck as you are now. Could you live with being Daniel?”

“Honestly? Yeah.” Daniel smiled. “It's not a perfect fit, but I don't know if a perfect fit is in the cards. I've been enjoying the Computer Science classes more than I expected. And things are going really great with Kristy. I could easily see myself walking away right now, without many regrets.”

Antonio's jaw dropped. 

Even I was surprised. I knew R made a better Daniel than me, but hearing he’s enjoying it and doing so well really hammered home how I’m no longer Daniel.

“Don’t worry, I don’t plan to leave the Guild,” Daniel said, attempting to calm Antonio’s anxiety. “At least not yet.”

“But if you stay as Daniel, who’s going to be Sydney?” Sydney asked. “She’s going to graduate in May and leave the Guild.”

“We’ve got five months to figure it out,” Daniel pointed out.

Antonio took a moment to process this revelation and compose himself. “I don't like that this has all been brought to light so suddenly, but no one will ever be forced to stay in the Guild. So what now? I don’t feel like a vote would be appropriate on that matter.”

“Can we at least throw you a going away party?” Daniel asked.

“Absolutely,” Gabriel replied. “You guys will always be our friends,” Gabriel promised.

“And I’m still going to be your roommate,” Jasmine said to me.

“At least until you move in with Lauren,” I chuckled.

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves,” Jasmine grinned.

“And, you never know,” Gabriel said. “We’re still friends and we are former - no - alumni Guild members. If you want to swap for a one-off day, I’m sure we would be open to it.”

“And I’ve still got two years on my degree,” Jasmine added. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Antonio,” Daniel calmly said, “we get a second chance to do this right. We fucked up with S. You know that.”

“I know,” he replied. “This is just sudden, and now we’re down to four members.”

“Don’t be sad,” Jasmine said. “Be happy. Gabriel and I are.” She reached over and squeezed his hand.

“What’s important,” Daniel said, looking over at us, “is that we were a part of each other’s lives for this brief moment.” 

Sydney stood up. “Guys, I’m going to cry. I’m not good at goodbyes.”

“Can we bring it in for a group hug?” Gabriel asked.

“Of course,” Antonio said, holding his arms out wide.

The Guild met up in the center of the study hall room for a large group hug which lingered on for some time.

“Who’s up for a more formal celebration tonight?” Antonio proposed, but couldn't help but smile. “I'll even have James prepare a special meal.”

“On such short notice?” Sydney asked.

“He's a real wizard when it comes to feeding the people he loves.”

A collective “aww" came from the others.

“We can toast to helping Aiden and Ella and feast in honor of Jaz and Gabe.”

“Sounds good to me!” Gabe said. “I’m hungry and will never turn down a meal by James!”

After the hug everyone returned to their seats.

“We’re going to need to recruit new members,” Sydney said, wiping tears from her cheeks.

Antonio turned to me. "What do you say Morgan? Up for finding some new identities to try out?"

“Speaking of new members,” I hazarded, standing up. “Kaylee wants to join.”

“Oh,” Antonio said, wiping tears from his eyes as he attempted to compose himself. “Um. Let’s talk about that. Next order of business. Discussion on Kaylee joining the Guild.”

“What about D’s trial of dating Kaylee?” Sydney asked.

“I never finished it,” I admitted.

“D, if Kaylee joins the Guild, then that would break Rule Five,” Daniel reminded me. “The one about dating other members.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to interrupt discussion,” Antonio interrupted, “but we also have a rule that each Guild member must be enrolled at this university. Kaylee isn’t, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Oh,” I uttered.

“Eh, rules are meant to be broken,” Jasmine said to the group.

“Well, that rule is kinda important,” Sydney said. “Or else there would be no natural endpoint for us. Being here at the school is a fundamental aspect of the Guild.”

“It's OK.” I held up my hands. “I’ll tell her.”

Jasmine raised her eyebrow at me. She knows there’s more to this story. I’m just not in a position to share it.

“Oh, and speaking of Kaylee,” Antonio added, “you should try to limit how much you swap with her, since she’s not in the Guild…”

Before he had even finished the sentence I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

“…I mean, occasionally is fine…” 

I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

Jasmine noticed and reached over and grabbed my hand, empathy in her eyes.

I nodded to her that it was alright. Or at least that’s what I was trying to convince myself. My next problem to solve was - how am I going to break the bad news to Kaylee?

“Next order of business?” Antonio asked.

* * *

Kaylee and I agreed to meet up after the Guild meeting. She only had a few hours before she had to work the dinner shift at the restaurant. Since Morgan didn’t have a car, Kaylee came to my apartment.

I was nervous. My mind was overflowing with things I wanted to say. Needed to say. I didn’t want those thoughts and feelings to sit unaddressed. Like Jasmine said last night, letting them fester could turn into resentment. As such, I went to my bedroom, put on my earbuds, and listened to music while quietly working on Morgan’s homework.

Kaylee appeared at the doorway of my bedroom and gave it a gentle knock to get my attention.

I smiled and took my earbuds out.

“Hey you,” she said, sauntering over to me. 

“Hey,” I replied weakly.

She held the arms of my chair and straddled my lap as my chair started tilting back dangerously. She slowly pressed our lips together. 

Her lips were welcome as I slid my tongue into her mouth, wrapping my hand around her neck.

“Should I shut the door?” Kaylee purred.

I wanted to joke that it wouldn’t be anything Jasmine hadn’t seen before, but that would beg too many questions.

Before I could answer that, she asked. “How was your meeting?”

“It was… eventful.” I replied looking into her eyes. “Jasmine and Gabriel are leaving the guild.”

“They are?!” Kaylee gasped.

“They’ve decided to permanently swap with each other.”

“Wow. Like Sydney’s former owner?”

“Yup.”

“That’s crazy,” she replied distantly. 

I could tell something was on her mind. “Hey, Kaylee?”

“Hmm?”

“I want to talk about something.”

“Oh,” she said, letting the chair return to an upright position. “It’s not bad is it?”

“No,” I replied. “At least I don't think it is.”

“Oh. OK. Sure. You know you can tell me anything.”

I took a deep breath. It was harder than last night to admit I wanted to be her. As I sat there in silence I could see she was getting worried. Maybe I just needed to work up to that truth. “I don’t know how to say this… but I really enjoyed being you.”

“And I really enjoyed being you… or err. I mean Sydney.”

“No, I mean - I really enjoyed being you.”

Kaylee was quiet for an excruciating few seconds before whispering, “I know.”

“You know?”

“It was obvious. But it’s OK. I enjoyed being Sydney, too. So if you want to swap again. I’m cool with that. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of opportunities. Especially if I join the Guild.”

I don’t think she truly understood how much I really wanted to be her. But since she brought up the Guild and it was as good a time as any to fill her in on the other stuff I needed to talk about. I groaned. “I um… I asked them about you joining.”

“And?”

“Since you’re not a student… you’re not allowed to join.”

Kaylee got up from my lap and paced around my small bedroom and huffed. “That sucks.”

“I know,” I replied. 

“I wish I was a student.”

“I know. Plus they said since you’re not a member I should avoid swapping with you often.”

“What?” she said, this time hurt in her voice. “That was so much fun this weekend. Probably the most fun I’ve had in a long time… well, aside from being with you. I was really looking forward to swapping with other Guild members."

“I know. I’m sorry. I wish I had better news.”

She dropped her butt onto the bed. “Well that really sucks.”

“Yeah, it does!” 

“How do you feel about it? I know you were really looking forward to being me again.”

“Honestly? Pretty miserable.I don’t know what to do. They didn’t say I couldn’t swap with you, they just said to not make it a habit.”

She glanced at the clock on the nightstand.

“What time do you have to be at work?”

“My shift starts at five. I have to be there a quarter till.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“For what?”

“For ruining the last remaining hours of our weekend.”

“It’s fine. I knew I had to work this shift since last week. After five days off, I’m not really looking forward to going in.” She paused, a devious grin spreading across her face. “Unless you want to go to work for me?” 

“Sure.” I blurted.

“Wait. Are you serious?”

“Kinda?”

“What about this whole ‘not swapping with someone who’s not enrolled in college’ bullshit?”

“This is our life. Aiden and Ella aren’t in the Guild and we let them swap.” I slid open the nightstand drawer and pulled out the stone and held it up. “I know you’re a hostess. I’ve never worked at a restaurant. What does your job entail?”

“Well, I manage the wait list and reservations. I escort people to open tables. I assist the wait staff when they need an extra hand.”

“I can do that… I think?”

“My shift ends really late.”

“Then I’ll spend the night as you.”

“What about Morgan?”

“Well, there was talk about a going away party for Jasmine and Gabriel tonight. I’m not sure if that’s settled. Then tomorrow morning, Morgan has class at eight.”

“You want me to go to class for you?”

“Sure, if you want.”

She bit her lip in anticipation. “What class?”

“Umm…” I looked at Morgan’s schedule pinned to the wall. “Monday mornings are ‘Persuasion and the Media.’”

“Well, it’s not my first choice of class. But I’ll go for you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

With no other words spoken, Kaylee put her hand on top of mine as we held the stone together.

Five seconds later, I was Kaylee, facing Morgan.

The moment I was Kaylee again I let out a huge sigh of relief - as if I’d been holding my breath for a long time. I gulped in air, letting it fill my lungs over and over. It felt good to be back in this body. It felt so right. Like I was floating.

Meanwhile Morgan didn't notice my relief and was feeling herself up. “This is so cool.”

“Alright,” I said. “Where do I work? What do I need to know?”

“Now you ask.” Morgan giggled.

* * *

After Morgan led me through where my job is and what a typical evening entails, it was time to go.

I was about to lean in for a kiss when I remembered I was Kaylee again. Intimacy was out. “I’m, uh… sorry.”

“About what?” she asked.

“About being Kaylee all weekend. This was supposed to be our weekend.”

Morgan grabbed my hands. “D. What are you talking about? This was our weekend. It was magical. I won’t forget it. And neither will you.”

I smiled and we touched our foreheads together. I slowly got up from the bed and walked to the bedroom door. Opening it, I looked back at Morgan and smiled eagerly.

“Good luck, Kaylee,” she said.

“And good luck in class… Morgan,” I replied. I walked out the door, taking big steps into the unknown.